last weekend i had state drill team. we didn't do very good. we got a division 1 but didn't place. i guess getting a division 1 is ok, u have to get that to place so some teams didn't get a division 1. but i wished we would of placed.

my mom and i also had a like heart to heart talk on saturday night. she got in from the bar between 12 and 1 am i believe. she was telling me how much she lookes up to me and how tough i am. lol she also said she's scared to talk to me. she also asked me how i felt if her and dad weren't together after i left. that didn't really surprise me cuz i know my mom wanted to leave him along time ago cuz my brothers were in so much trouble and my dad didn't want to come home so that left alot on my mom. but she couldn't leave him cuz she thought i'd go with him and not her and she couldn't stand to live without me. she blames herself and says if she would of just been strong enough to leave and take me that things would of been better (aka no abuse). she also asked if i wanted to graduate in the same house i grew up in, so at first i didn't think they'd get divorced till after i graduated but once she said that it makes me think that it might happen sooner. they are trying to make it work but i don't think it will. mom told me that she just wasn't in love with dad in anymore. idk what to do. i thought i'd prepared myself for this but i guess not.