well things have kind of been sucking around here. on sunday mom n' i went n' picked up some chinese in a near by town n' she had been kind of drinking so she had me drive. so while we were coming into the town i asked her what we were doing friday that we had to leave at 6 in the morning (were leaving friday to go down to my aunts for her birthday) n' mom said we were going down n' making her a cake n' that's all she really said to me n' i had told her a few day before this convo that i had a counseling meeting on friday (they day we leave) n' she freaked so i was seeing what all we had to do n' why we had to leave so early. well she was like why do you have to go on that day is there something you need to talk about n' whateve. n' there wasn't anything i just hadn't gone to my counselor since before christmas break. but then she was like r u mad at me n' i was like idk. usually when she asks that i just say no but this time i was like no i'm gonna just tell her i am so i said idk n' she was like i think you are n' i said ya fine i am. n' she thought it was just cuz of the whole counseling on friday thing but it wasn't n' i told her it felt like she took mason's side n' that i didn't like him being there but she alway's let's him be there. told her that i thought we weren't suppose to be alone but we were alway's left alone n' she was like no that was only for a certain amount of time n' i said no we were alway's left alone. n' then i was like it's not just about mason it's about me wanting to go to college where i want to n' her not letting n' she was like fine go there if you want i don't care it's not about me. n' i was like n' i also want to get into that dance school n' she was like fine i'll see what we can do. she was like i don't think you care n' that's ok cuz your only 17 so why should you care but one day you will. n' she was like you just want what you want n' that's fine cuz your a teenager but when you get older you'll relize about money n' whatever idk what she said there but it was kind of like that. n' i just wanted to be like i do understand i do i'm not stupid but i aslo know they just bough mason's truck from him so he wouldn't be in debt or whatever so now we have another truck here. then when we got home she went right upstairs n' didn't eat her supper n' i was like whatever so dad n' i ate. after he was done he went upstairs to see what was wrong with mom n' i sat down stairs for a while then decided to go out n' shoot some hoops but wanted my ipod n' stuff so i went up stairs to get it. well i heard mom talking to someone n' i thought it was dad but i don't think it was cuz i didn't hear him talking so i think she was on the phone with someone else like my aunt. well she was like you should  have seen her face, i've never seen someone look so alone. n' then i heard her say that as long as i was in this house mason wasn't aloud here. (ya we'll she if that actually happends) then she said that sometime this week she's going to get everyone together n' were all just gonna lay it all on the table. she said maybe it would do me some good to just yell at mason to just let it all out on him n' tell him how i feel n' everything..but the other person she was talking to said it wouldn't be a good idea n' she was like we've tried everything (haha ya right) she was like she went to counseling n' didn't like it ( i didn't like it cuz it was getting heard n' i wasn't letting it work she thinks she know's everything but she doens't know anything) n' she was like idk what to do i'm tired of crying or something like that.. then i went n' got my stuff n' walked as quietly as i could but stoped to hear her talk. n' i knew mom had somethign happen to her but never knew what cuz she wouldn't tell me  but i found out. i guess her cousin abused her too cuz she was like i had my cousin do the same thing, i know it's just a curiosity thing. n' then she was like truely in my heart of hearts i don't believe her, i don't believe what she's saying happend, i don't believe he hurt her. n' i lost it i started bawling but i didn't want her to know i heard her so i tried to not cry so loud n' i tried to walk down the stairs at quietly as i could n' i went n' got in my car n' drove down to the river. n' came home n' so ya.  school has been crap it's all i think about. i knew she never believed me but i never thought i'd actually think i'd hear her say it.i want to know if my dad truely believes me but i'm scared to ask scared he'll think the same. i've been super depressed n' i hate it....i only happen when im at track because i can run n' i don't have to think. yesterday i didn't eat much, i felt like i was going to throw up...n' today i had a  breakfest pizza in the morn but i didn't eat it all n' that's all i've eaten today n' that's all i plan on eating too, n' i've had a pop.