I met with my counselor today…ugh idk. It was early, it was at 8 this morning so I missed out of first hour but that’s ok. The meeting went ok I guess. Idk I just kind of told her what she wanted to hear in the beginning but then she caught on to that almost right away. Idk I guess it’s just easer to do that then try and explain myself. We talked about my mom. She talked to her on the phone and she said that my mother made it sound like what I was going through and my depression wasn’t a big problem. Ugh I hate her. So then my counselor questioned well is Melissa making things seem smaller or is Kayla making things seem bigger than they are. Ugh I hate her cuz I’m not doing that. I’m saying how I feel and that’s it. i’m not even making my depression to be this big huge thing! Ugh!!!!! I’m depressed end of story. Some day’s are good and some aren’t why sometimes I just don’t know why that is and maybe I go into those moods because it’s how my body takes care of things that hurt me I just do it so I wont get hurt. Idk. And yes sometimes I make things bigger than what they are but I don’t do that with like real problems I do it with like lil problems like not getting asked to hang out or something dumb like that. AHHHHH!! But my counselor questioned my mom more cuz she asked about the antidepressant’s and I said she didn’t want to put me on it because she didn’t want me to overdose so she obviously thinks I’m pretty depressed to and it’s NOT JUST ME!!! Idk maybe that’s what made the secession so bad. I just felt like maybe my counselor was also doughting me and what I’ve been through and what I’m going through too and it just really hurt. Ugh idk. And we just started basketball, yay I know but I’m just really tired and worn out for that that ugh idk. Maybe I’m doing to much but I can’t help it, it helps me not to think about this stuff, not to think about mason and my mother and everything else going wrong in my life. Ugh I just want to cry!!!
Replies
I\'d check out with your counsellor if she\'s doubting you or not. She might not be. It\'s easy to misread other people when we\'re feeling vulnerable ourselves.
If your counsellor is any good, she won\'t accept what your mom says verbatim. She\'ll make up her own mind. If you don\'t trust that she\'s looking out for your best interest, you have a right to ask for another counsellor. You have rights here!!!
It doesn\'t surprise me that your mom is minimizing the situation. It could be that your Mom is afraid of being judged as a bad mother. It could be that she\'s afraid of getting in trouble and having authorities question the care you\'re getting. It could be that she\'s in denial and can\'t accept what happened in the family.
Regardless, it\'s her stuff and not yours. Be true to yourself. You know how you feel. You know what happened to you. You don\'t need your Mom to agree with it to make it so. Speak from the heart and don\'t apologise for being you.
You\'re going to be OK. I have a feeling that things will work out with your counsellor. Let us know how it goes. *hug*
We all hide our true to depression so no one except us knows its true extent. Sometimes we don\'t even know ourselves. Make you counselor listen to you. That\'s their job to listen. And always be open and honest or your session won\'t do you any good. It took me years to figure that one out. Don\'t waste precious time by telling her what she wants to hear.
i know, thank you guy\'s. it\'s hard cuz sometimes idk what makes me depressed and she asked me yesterday what tiggirs my depression and i said i didn\'t know and she kind of yelled at me as said yes you have to know what makes you depressed if this is ever going ot work. ugh idk what makes me depressed. sometimes it\'s nothing and sometimes it\'s something idk!!! ugh