So everything is going good right now. School is going fine….my chemistry teacher is f-ing stupid!!!! We talk about dumb stuff, we talked about something that I don’t even want to write about. Mason comes home every now and then so I don’t see him that much so that’s good and he’s buying a house I guess so that’s even better. My dance studio is done and now I just have to like decorate and stuff. I still miss Luke. My mom and I are getting along a lil better. Idk I’ve just decided to try and forgive her. All though I am still angry with her about a lot of stuff I’ve decided it’s not worth it she’s still my mom and I still love her very much. I’m just tired all the time that’s really the only bad thing going on right now. I have no time to sleep and I can’t sleep at nights without like taking some kind of sleep pill to make me go to bed sooner. I hate that cuz I can’t take them because I have to get up early everyday but Thursday and if I take a sleep pill I wont wake up as easy and so I loose either way. I’m just doing too much but I don’t mind. I have swing choir on Monday’s and Wednesday’s at 7:15, Tuesday’s I have drill team at 6:16, Wednesday’s I have swing choir and drill team at night at 6:30, sleep in on Thursdays and Friday’s I have cross country at 6:30. Ahhhh im so tired!!!! But I will be ok everything will be ok! And I have homework that I have to do almost every night and I’ve already gotten behind on once class……DARN IT!!!! Oh well I’m kind of working on it right now lol. My on friend e-mailed my school counselor and another teacher who is getting her school counselor degree and kind of just told them how I’m doing and stuff…..actually idk what she told them lol but she talked with them cuz she asked if I wanted her too and I did so them I don’t have to cuz I suck at talking or asking for help so that all went down but neither of the teacher’s have come to me……idk if they will…..prolly not I’m guessing…..and this is what frustrates me sooooo much. I want to get better and I know other people want me to too but no one is doing anything. I hate when people ask me what I think I should do or whatever I just want to be like idk idk what I want to do just put me somewhere or give me something that will help me. Like people have asked me if I want/ think I should go into the hospital and ya I think I maybe should but I’m scared to so them I say no thinking maybe I could handle it knowing I couldn’t and I just want to be like ahhh do what you think is best for me. I know what’s best for me maybe but I’m scared to do it sometimes and I just want someone to do it for me. Idk……..
Replies
I\'m glad that your getting along with your mom better. It\'s so much easier to find a middle ground of understanding than to use the energy to remain angry. That love that you have for her matters more than anything else, even when it\'s hard to remember why. Your growing up at it\'s beginning to show. /// No one is going to do for you what you need to do for yourself, expecially if you don\'t commuicate your needs. \"Be true to thy own self\" and all else will fall in to place. I know that sometimes, many times, that can be very difficult -- like a trial to overcome in order to reach happiness. I\'m going thru such a trial myself at this time. I know it\'s difficult. We all must listen to our inner selves and do what is best for ourselves.
Sounds like you have a busy schedule...I know what you mean aboout those sleeping pills, and not being able to get up early.
Have you and your Mom gone to therapy together?? That might be good for you both to help reconnect your relationship and moving forward with her believing you wholeheartedly and for you to forgive her. It\'s hard...I still have a Mom in Denial, and I\'m 32.
Hang in there...You are Special!