so i'm sitting here thinking of how much i really want to be dead how much i can't take this that i hurt so bad that i just want to be dead. but then i'm also thinking of how much i have to live for. that i want to have a feature, have a life, a family. i want to make something out of myself, i want to be proud of myself. so then i start thinking why would i want to die. i have more reason's to live but why and i leaning so much closer to wanting to die. then i start thinking, it's not the part of me that want's to make a feature that want's to die but it's the part of me that was abused and was hurt that want's to die. i really do want to live but i don't want my abused part to live. i want that part of me out. that part of me want's to die and the other part want's to live. but why is my abused half soooo much stronger than the other half. why can't i control it why can't i just be happy, why can't i shut the abused half up?
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Your thinking deeply and reasonably. I think that as you look within, more and more healing will come. Unfortunately, I can\'t answer your question for you, but I think as you keep searching for answers with the desire to heal, you\'ll find the answer for yourself. I think that you\'ve made some progress, and that you will continue to do so. Hang in there!
Did you ever think that might be your purpose in life? Maybe some day, you will be able to help others who have been abused young to deal with the hurt, anger and shame. If you can get past it, you can help others do the same.
You sound like u r making a lot of progress lately in your thinking and growing. U should pray everyday and just ask god to remove and help heal the \"abused part\" of you, and allow the healthier part to fluorish and grow!! If you ask that everyday, it will eventually happen. Ive been asking for things like that, and have seen it begin to happenen, or in some cases, it has happened. If u think about what DEATH actually is, you will realize that isn\'t what you want at all. You want to lve a happy healthy life. But only YOU can work at achieving that now. NO ONE else can possibly do it for you! Im always here for you. Love Nichole