i don't think i can be stong anymore. i know you guy's want me too and want me to show him that he hasn't wone and to let him know i'm not scared and i want to   but i'm running out of engery to keep doing this. i'm getting really tired and i feel all alone in this process and i don't know what to do. i mean ya i will alway's have you guy's and i and SOOOO greatful for that you guy's don't even know but i mean all you guy's can really do for me is give me advice, talk with me. and sometime's i think i need for than talking ya know. there is like no one in my area that seem's to want to help or anything and i'm sure it's cuz they don't know how to but i mean they don't have to ignore me and not do anything about it i mean you guy's are doing WAY more than anyone around here and half of ya life like half way around the world. how pathetic is that. to answer any of your question's abotu now bring up the  other brother well i never brought it up before cuz it's all confuseing and no one would understand and even i'm confused and i would just rather not go there.