well today was kind of crap. i woke up at 8:30 and had to go to basketball and then at 11 i had work and then i got off early cuz i got called by this girl and asked if i woudl want to work a double and so i said i would and so ya. i left at like 1:45 or something i was supppose to get off at 2:30 so there wasnt a big difference there but then i came back at 4:30 and worked till like 9:30 or so. oh i was pissed that i had to work but i can't say no when someone is asking me becuase one i'm not good at just saying no and two i know that if i said yes then she would be more willing to work for me later on when i need too. but in the middle of my break from the morning shitf and hte night shift i went and played some basketball and that took alot of my anger out of me. and there was this guy and his wife there and he was talking to our cook and he was like my son is home from iraq and he was really excited and went out about it for like 10 minutes and then he was leaving and talkign to our waitress and was like out 135 group is comeing home or whatever there called and he looked at me and said it again and i was just like umm yup. and i went back into the kitchen and wanted to start crying. i wish i was excited about my brother comeing home like he was for his son. i hate that i'm dreading it. umm inpatient i belive is out of the question. i didn't tell that guy about it. and i dont' really want to go now with basketball camp's and everything there just isn't really any time now. that's why i wanted to go in the beginnign of summer so i wouldn't have any plan's and i wouldn't feel like i was letting anyone down. and now i do so i can't go. idk i just want to go and live somewhere for a while. idk what i really want right now.oh so i had to ask my brother a couple questions. not had but really wanted to know. umm so my question's to him were if he ever told me not to tell anyone about what was going on, and he said that he did tell me not to tell anyone. i hate that i couldn't remember that. i hate that there's alot of thing's i don't remember.so my mom is pissed that im' not going camping on the river with her and some other people but i reall can't cuz i have to work and i could get it off but i don't feel like it and because i'm going down with the jv to play some basketball and we leave at 6 in the morning. so i can't and she seemed kind of mad. idk why but when she  get's mad at me i get mad at her for  beign mad at me.