well i work today. 11:30-4:30 atleast it's the afternoon instead of the night like i usually work. sorry i'm a wreck guy's. i just don't know what to do. i hate this all. i just want to die. i miss being happy and laughing. i miss my early childhood. i miss the way my mom and i were. i remember one day she had the day off and so i didn't have to go to day care so i stayed home and helped her fold laundry and  then we made a dance up to strawberry wine (which is now our song) and we sat out on the porch and played them liek hand games that kid's would play, like umm mis mac mac mac all dressed in black black black button's all down her dress dress dress, she asked her mother mother mother to see the eliphant eliphant eliphant jump over the fence fence fence he jumped so high high high he never came back back back. idk something like that. that's one that we played. i miss that. but idk i'm just sooo angry at her and i can't help it i try not to be i try and see her side of it but it make's me soooo  mad. i hate that my child hood was taken from me! i hate it i hate it!!!  when i think back on it the first think i see is the abuse, i have to force and fight my way through the memories of the abuse to even find a good memorie of my child hood and then once i find it it's gone, the flash back's come back so fast. i've be come soo alone. i hardly ever go out, i'm alway's at home which is weird but it's like i don't even know who to be out there. sometime's i'll go and i'll feel normal like i belong and then alot of times idk, i feel like i dont' fit in like i'm not one of them. i just feel like i should be gone. i just need someone who understand's who will be there. i miss my friend! i miss you chasity! i'm seriously going crazy!