i need help. i've been thinking about suicide all night. i can't sleep cuz i just keep seeing myself die and i just want it to come true sooo bad. i can't stop crying. i need help but i dont' know what to do. i'm not strong enough to ask for it. so i just have to live with the thought's and try not to let them control me but it's been getting harder and harder every day. mason has to live here for atleast a week. the whole thing with my mom freaking out about that letter is pissing me off. i just don't know what to do. i told her living here is hard and she just like brushed it off. i thought maybe she would suggest me going somewhere or something but no i am still here. i told her about the inpatient and she was just like they were full and i just told her that that place wasn't the only place in this state that there are other. and she just looked at me and then changed the subject and started talking about something else that was bother her. i think she just started crying and told me not to write any of that any more. i don't know what to do to get through to her but do it. she saw the note and did nothing, all that has changed is that she call's me more to see what i'm doing. THAT'S IT!! i'm sitting here crying thinking about suicide and she know's it and all she does to help is just check up on me more! WHAT THE HELL!
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maybe shes in denial...Im sure she loves you! she obviously cannot handle what you have told her though. it may be time to tell another adult...at the very least you need to be able to talk about how you feel and know you are safe from anything happening to you again. and the more you are able to say it out loud (as hurtful as it is at the time) the stronger you become, I promise you...it\'s taking your power back.
Please start with prayer and humbly ask for strength. Also ask for guidence toward the action that you need to take toward peace within yourself. Your effort WILL bring the assistence of spirt help and WIll bring you results. I have found that by helping others in worst condtions than my own helps trememdously. When you help others, like rewards come. Please voluntarily try. Your quite capable. Your also strong and you can get through these difficult times. Believe in yourself. I do, and many others do too.
sometimes parents don\'t know how to handle every situation that is thrown at them... she\'s at least trying. tell her you really want help. it\'s the only way it\'s going to happen
WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD? HE ALWAYS LISTENS TO YOU AND TRIES TO HELP YOU! GET HIM ALONE AND BEG AND PLEAD. WHEN IS MASON COMING HOME? TELL UR DAD U DONT WANT TO BE THERE, TO HELP U FIND AN INPATIENT PLACE WITH AN OPENING. IF U HAVE TO, LEAVE A NOTE AND GO SOMEWHERE FOR A WEEK, AND TELL THEM IN THE NOTE IF THEY CALL THE POLICE U WILL TELL THE POLICE Y U DONT WANT TO BE THERE. ITS NOT FAIR THAT U SHOULD BE FEELING ALL THIS AND NOT BEING HEARD!!! STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND DONT ALLOW THEM TO SILENCE U!!! I LOVE U, NICHOLE
Keep trying girl. Sometimes parents don\'t want to admit that they\'re babies need more then they can give. Keep talking to her, keep asking, and keep getting on here. If nothing else, you have us here. You\'re not walking through this alone. Hold on. You do whatever you need to do to stay out of the darkness.