to help clear things up with my last journal entry i have two brothers. Mason as you all know is the one who abused me, i have nother brother luke who was not really apart of the abuse. luke is a confusing part about the abuse to talk about. so luke is moving down to texas and mason is coming home. now when mason and i talked he asked me what he needed to do to help me. i guess he feel's really bad abotu things and he does take the blame for it. he asked me if i wanted him to move away. now i know you guy's are all prolly like then why don't you tell him to. well i'm not that strong. he is still my brother and that part of him i dont' want to leave. i want the abuser part to be as far away from me as possible!! but i can't do that to my mom and make him leave. i am not able to stand up to people and tell them to leave i can't even do that to my own friends let alone mason. i am sorry guy's i know this prolly looks like i'm setting myself up but i am truely not i am still looking for inpatient places and am hopeing to get into one when he comes home so that i wont be at home or i'll go and live with someone. hopefully me saying that i will go live somewhere else will give my mom the hit that i dont' want him there and she will ask him to leave or she'll ask me before and i'll tell her i don't want him there. but for me to just walk up to him and say i dont' want you there i can not.
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Oh of course, thats understandable. Are you able to talk to your Mum about how you are feeling. How you dont feel comfortable with him staying and how hard it is for you to tell him this? I know He has acknowledged what he has done and this is great but it is not about him it is about you, what he did is serious and your healing cannot be forced or rushed. It may take a few weeks or a few years or you may never ever feel comfortable being in the same place with him, but whatever it is you feel or want, you should be respected and allowed the time to heal at a pace you are comfortable with. Honour your feelings and if you can try, speak to your Mum and let her know how you feel. Having him there is not a good thing especially if you are already reacting and he has not even arrived there yet. Please do what is right for you protect yourself from any more emotional and mental stress. I understand he is your brother, but you are his sister and he needs to respact the outcome of what his action has caused fro you and your relationship with him. If he is truely remorseful of his action HE WILL UNDERSTAND. It is not you who needs to understand him or protect his feeling or anyone elses, it is him and those around you who needs to do what they can to support you, understand you, love you and acknowledge what has happened and help you through the best they can. Stay strong, find your voice, honour yourself.
I can completely understand that! As much as I HATE my brother, when I see him, I see my brother. And I cant seem to be cruel. As much as he hurt me and ruined my life, I dont want to hurt his feelings. We came from the same mom and dad. And there were some good points to our sibling-hood. So you dont have to explain it to me. Im with you on the confusion there.