i feel like a horrible friend right now. my friend called me and told me to come down to the bon fire that was down at a class mates of her's and i know the girl but idk i woudl just feel weird cuz they were all a year older and i would be the only on there and idk it would be weird but i came down because the girl that was having the bon fire got on the phone and asked me to come so i did. and i just sat there i felt out of place because they were all talking and telling stories and i had no idea what was going on and i don't really feel like myself, like i'm depressed right now so i wasn't in the mood to like interact and stuff. but i left like an hour or so once i got there and i felt mean because i'm pretty sure the girl that had the party thought that i was blowing her off or something idk i just don't think she thought that i wanted to be there and what not else and i guess that's kind of true i didn't want to be there i wanted to be in my bed being depressed and to cut. but i felt bad and now i feel really bad cuz i don't want her to think i don't like her cuz i do she's a cool friend. idk i'll have my other friend tell her i'm sorry that i went home i just wasn't feeling like myself or something. idk. *sigh*
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I am sorry that you are feeling so low. I wish there was more I could do to help you. Please don\'t get so down on yourself. You went eventhough you did not have much fun, that was a pretty big deal. I am glad you decided to go and be away from isolation for awhile. Please take care of yourself!
Oh my goodness I know exactly how that is...I\'m a very happy person most of the time and I\'ll talk to anyone about anything and I\'m very fuuny and I keep things alive in my group of friends and so people expect that out of me all the time...But then I get in my \"I hate the world\" moods and I make people hate me. I just get extrmly negative, angry, and mean, and no one knows that I can be like that, so then people start not liking me, and I don\'t like when people don\'t like me because I am a very friendly person and when people don\'t like me it makes me sad...I really don\'t know what to do in those types of situations either...I\'m the person that wants to make others happy before myself...And that\'s a terrible thing...Says my therapist...But it\'s just good that you went home...I\'m sure she\'ll understand, if she\'s truely your friend she\'ll understand that you just need some space...As for the cutting thing...I really hope you don\'t...