converstation between mason and i. it's pretty long just to let ya know.
Mason says:
kayla rose what do you want from me
KAYLA SAYS:
what do you mean?
Mason says:
mom said that you have a lot of shit going on in your life and i assume im a huge part of that what do i need to ddo to make you feel more comfortable more at ease
KAYLA SAYS:
idk mason, i need to sort through what happend between us and i can't do that here in this town in this house, that's why i'm going to an inpatient care place where they will help me do that and i wont be distracted by anything. ya your a huge part but mom is too. i have a question mason, do you feel bad about what happend? like do you think about it alot? what r ur thought's and feelings on it?
Mason says:
yeah i feel bad about it i wish it had never happened but i accept what happened as a part of life not everyone does it but its something that happened it wasnt your fault it was mine i should have known better but i didnt i wasnt mentally stable you know i had a condition that im still trying to work through to this day my adhd still affects me and what happened with us still affects me
Mason says:
and everything i do
KAYLA SAYS:
ya
Mason says:
answer me kayla
KAYLA SAYS:
what do you want me to say?
Mason says:
would it be better if i just left
Mason says:
tell me what you want i cant help unless i know what yo do
Mason says:
to
KAYLA SAYS:
idk mason, it's hard, your gone now but i'm still hurting. i guess we'll have to see after i get back from the inpatient care place. i mean i don't want us to be like this i want a brother sister relation, i don't want you to leave i care about you, your still my brother and i can't just disown you i'm not that kind of person.
Mason says:
what is mom doing to you
KAYLA SAYS:
nothing she's getting better but we just fight everyday and when all this came out i asked for a counselor and she woudn't get me one told me to work it out with you. she just finally got me one well she did before but it didn't work for her schedule but this one doesn't work either because she has to go to the doctor alot so i have to schedule around when she'll be in so it seems like she doesn'
KAYLA SAYS:
care but now she's starting too
Mason says:
answer me kayla
KAYLA SAYS:
what?
Mason says:
what is mom doing thats hurting you
KAYLA SAYS:
that's what she's doing, i feel like she doesn't believe me that she cares more about you
Mason says:
i didnt get anything you said
KAYLA SAYS:
like it didn't send or you don't understand/
Mason says:
didnt send
KAYLA SAYS:
this is what i said-that's what she's doing, i feel like she doesn't believe me that she cares more about you
Mason says:
ok i didnt get what u said before that
KAYLA SAYS:
nothing she's getting better but we just fight everyday and when all this came out i asked for a counselor and she woudn't get me one told me to work it out with you. she just finally got me one well she did before but it didn't work for her schedule but this one doesn't work either because she has to go to the doctor alot so i have to schedule around when she'll be in so it seems like she doesn'
KAYLA SAYS:
care but now she's starting too
Mason says:
mom wasnt raised the best and you know that you cant blame it all on her and ill talk to her about it aparantly she listens more to me
KAYLA SAYS:
ya i know and that's why i try not to but it's hard
Mason says:
i have a question for you
KAYLA SAYS:
k
Mason says:
why did none of this come back on luke why did all this get put on me
KAYLA SAYS:
because you are the one who started it you did it longer to me, your what i remmeber the most of. i only remember luke like once or twice and we like didn't do anything, i guess i figured that if i told about luke that nothing would happen because there was no like evidence un like there was on you. i did remember on thing that happend though with luke and like cale and criag but that was so long
KAYLA SAYS:
ago that i didn't want to hurt any more people
then he loged off a lil bit after that and didn't say anything
Mason says:
kayla rose what do you want from me
KAYLA SAYS:
what do you mean?
Mason says:
mom said that you have a lot of shit going on in your life and i assume im a huge part of that what do i need to ddo to make you feel more comfortable more at ease
KAYLA SAYS:
idk mason, i need to sort through what happend between us and i can't do that here in this town in this house, that's why i'm going to an inpatient care place where they will help me do that and i wont be distracted by anything. ya your a huge part but mom is too. i have a question mason, do you feel bad about what happend? like do you think about it alot? what r ur thought's and feelings on it?
Mason says:
yeah i feel bad about it i wish it had never happened but i accept what happened as a part of life not everyone does it but its something that happened it wasnt your fault it was mine i should have known better but i didnt i wasnt mentally stable you know i had a condition that im still trying to work through to this day my adhd still affects me and what happened with us still affects me
Mason says:
and everything i do
KAYLA SAYS:
ya
Mason says:
answer me kayla
KAYLA SAYS:
what do you want me to say?
Mason says:
would it be better if i just left
Mason says:
tell me what you want i cant help unless i know what yo do
Mason says:
to
KAYLA SAYS:
idk mason, it's hard, your gone now but i'm still hurting. i guess we'll have to see after i get back from the inpatient care place. i mean i don't want us to be like this i want a brother sister relation, i don't want you to leave i care about you, your still my brother and i can't just disown you i'm not that kind of person.
Mason says:
what is mom doing to you
KAYLA SAYS:
nothing she's getting better but we just fight everyday and when all this came out i asked for a counselor and she woudn't get me one told me to work it out with you. she just finally got me one well she did before but it didn't work for her schedule but this one doesn't work either because she has to go to the doctor alot so i have to schedule around when she'll be in so it seems like she doesn'
KAYLA SAYS:
care but now she's starting too
Mason says:
answer me kayla
KAYLA SAYS:
what?
Mason says:
what is mom doing thats hurting you
KAYLA SAYS:
that's what she's doing, i feel like she doesn't believe me that she cares more about you
Mason says:
i didnt get anything you said
KAYLA SAYS:
like it didn't send or you don't understand/
Mason says:
didnt send
KAYLA SAYS:
this is what i said-that's what she's doing, i feel like she doesn't believe me that she cares more about you
Mason says:
ok i didnt get what u said before that
KAYLA SAYS:
nothing she's getting better but we just fight everyday and when all this came out i asked for a counselor and she woudn't get me one told me to work it out with you. she just finally got me one well she did before but it didn't work for her schedule but this one doesn't work either because she has to go to the doctor alot so i have to schedule around when she'll be in so it seems like she doesn'
KAYLA SAYS:
care but now she's starting too
Mason says:
mom wasnt raised the best and you know that you cant blame it all on her and ill talk to her about it aparantly she listens more to me
KAYLA SAYS:
ya i know and that's why i try not to but it's hard
Mason says:
i have a question for you
KAYLA SAYS:
k
Mason says:
why did none of this come back on luke why did all this get put on me
KAYLA SAYS:
because you are the one who started it you did it longer to me, your what i remmeber the most of. i only remember luke like once or twice and we like didn't do anything, i guess i figured that if i told about luke that nothing would happen because there was no like evidence un like there was on you. i did remember on thing that happend though with luke and like cale and criag but that was so long
KAYLA SAYS:
ago that i didn't want to hurt any more people
then he loged off a lil bit after that and didn't say anything
Replies
It\'s good you are talking and getting some answers - maybe not everything but at least there is a dialogue going on it. I can understand what it\'s like to have a brother with adhd - my brother has it and that\'s always been his \'reason\' for stuff (even though we\'ve never talked about all the stuff) it\'s hard. All my love goes to you x x x
It sounds as if your brother is truely sorry. It\'s shown by his concern for you. I hope that brings some comfort.
WOW Kayla, that\'s a good star. He isn\'t denying anything, he\'s admitting it, he is willing to talk to mom for you, and hes asking what u want of him to make it as better for u as he can. Thats going to help you to heal alot more than if he denied it, or was mean to you.
Just be careful NOT TO let the sadness you feel through his kindness and brotherly love, sway you from continuing what you need to do for you. And dont feel like \"He was so nice, I should stop bugging him\". Because you should use him, and implement him into your healing, where your therapists may think he could help. Im very happy for you that he was receptive, and willing to listen, and agree.
He may be a little hurt that the other 3 names mentioned are free from this, if they hurt u too, but that\'s not his problem really. He needs to concentrate on YOU, and what HE did to you. It is possible that you guys can eventually get to the point where forgiveness takes place, and you will feel better about having your brother back (To a degree). So stay moving forward and brave. I am EXTREMELY PROUD OF YOU! My brother treated me like shit after, and still does!!! So guess what? I will hate him forever!!!! IF he had treated me the way your brother treats u. I may have forgave a little bit.
aww kayla
im sorry sweetie
im sorry he didnt seem to act sorry
i hope your ok
i love you very much
your friend
chasity
Aww sorry hun, thats would be soo tough.
I\'m happy for you and I am SO proud of you for confronting him. He couldn\'t have easily denied it to you, but could he have said he was glad it happened? No, he wouldn\'t have done that either. Menally stable or not (is anyone mentally stable when they are a sexual predator), it happened for YEARS and he knew better. When you needed him to be your brother then, did he come through for you, did you think, hope, and pray that he would? The thing I am saying is this \"Feed him with a long spoon\", do not trust him until he has given you proof that he can be trusted. Hold him to his words and do not let him too close that hurting you again is possible. I noticed that he did not say the words \"I\'m sorry\", and he made two excuses: it was a part of life and I was mentally instable. Just be careful. I hope he really wants to help. I pray that he becomes someone that you always needed him to be. That would be so wonderful. But listen, all he may need to feel better about the situation is to hear that you have forgiven him, but it is going to take a lot more than that for you, and I hope you won\'t let him off the hook easily. He needs to show you he means what he says and he needs to say, \"I\'m sorry\" and mean it. I\'m not trying to be negative. I think you should embrace this opertunity as a chance for a new beginning. JUST PLEASE BE CAREFUL.