well so tonight i just kind of feel like writing and so that's just what i'm gonna do.
well like i said in another journal i think my brother were big into getting into trouble and drinking and stuff. the cops would bring them home almost every night and sometimes they would be drunk but i remembered just hating when they would come here and have my brothers. i bascily knew every cop and they knew me and my family it wasn't really something to be proud of but that's just how it was.
because of the cops bringing my brother home we got kind of a reputation from the town. and it wasn't very good. peopel alway's talked about my family and not in good way's actaully they more or less talked about my brother and stuff. but it just came normal that my brothers the damage to whatever happend. they woudl just assume that they were involed and the cops would come here first and we hated that more that anything. but i guess it's what happens when you create a reputation like that. but anyway's so being that my brother were bad and stuff people assumed that i would turn out the same and be just like them a trouble make. and i hated that i hated that my brother gave me my reputation that i didn't have any word in it at all.
people never came over to my house because their parents didn't want them their, and some were nice and would let me come over but not very often. i had mothers that hated me and it sucked. but i finally gave into all the rumoirs. i started smoking and sneaking out and stuff. i woudl do thinks with other guys. some i knew and some i didn't. but it only lasted a year and then i relized that i wanted better and i wanted people to like me. i was also in sports so i knew that doing this stuff wouldn't help me at all.
i stoped and have never done any of that but i do admitt that i do think about drinking and smoking again especially smoking idk why but i don't something but then i get the thought out of my mind as fast a possible.
idk i just don't want people to hate me and i just want to be liked and to be loved. and i'm finally at a place in my life where i feel like i've earned the respect from my teachers and friends and the town. but it's sometimes hard to keep it just because i just want to let loose and be crazy and bad and get in trouble but i think that part is because i want peopel to know that i'm hurting and stuff. but i sometimes get tired of being nice but then again i love it.
i'm just scard of going down that path again and being scard of what i'll do now that i can drive and stuff. idk it scars me i scare myself i guess
well like i said in another journal i think my brother were big into getting into trouble and drinking and stuff. the cops would bring them home almost every night and sometimes they would be drunk but i remembered just hating when they would come here and have my brothers. i bascily knew every cop and they knew me and my family it wasn't really something to be proud of but that's just how it was.
because of the cops bringing my brother home we got kind of a reputation from the town. and it wasn't very good. peopel alway's talked about my family and not in good way's actaully they more or less talked about my brother and stuff. but it just came normal that my brothers the damage to whatever happend. they woudl just assume that they were involed and the cops would come here first and we hated that more that anything. but i guess it's what happens when you create a reputation like that. but anyway's so being that my brother were bad and stuff people assumed that i would turn out the same and be just like them a trouble make. and i hated that i hated that my brother gave me my reputation that i didn't have any word in it at all.
people never came over to my house because their parents didn't want them their, and some were nice and would let me come over but not very often. i had mothers that hated me and it sucked. but i finally gave into all the rumoirs. i started smoking and sneaking out and stuff. i woudl do thinks with other guys. some i knew and some i didn't. but it only lasted a year and then i relized that i wanted better and i wanted people to like me. i was also in sports so i knew that doing this stuff wouldn't help me at all.
i stoped and have never done any of that but i do admitt that i do think about drinking and smoking again especially smoking idk why but i don't something but then i get the thought out of my mind as fast a possible.
idk i just don't want people to hate me and i just want to be liked and to be loved. and i'm finally at a place in my life where i feel like i've earned the respect from my teachers and friends and the town. but it's sometimes hard to keep it just because i just want to let loose and be crazy and bad and get in trouble but i think that part is because i want peopel to know that i'm hurting and stuff. but i sometimes get tired of being nice but then again i love it.
i'm just scard of going down that path again and being scard of what i'll do now that i can drive and stuff. idk it scars me i scare myself i guess
Replies
Just be true to yourself! Be the kind of person you can be proud of 20 years from now. I can identify with you in a way. My brother was/and is and alcholic and the cops brought him home all the time. Every cop and judge in the city knew my family and it was really embarrassing. Just try to put your brother out of your mind and focus on creating your own reputation.