i hate going to bed i hate it hate it. i get so scared and so pissed at myself that it's not good. i feel soo alone at night. i have flash backs alot because my brother would mostly come into my room at night and so at night is where all my memories come fome. i cry almost everynight wishing i wasnt so along and that someone would help me. i hate eating it makes me feel so crapy or grose. at night when i'm laying there and thinking (alway's a big mistake) i just want to punch myself and stab my stomach because i had eaten and i just want to get the food out of me. i hate my self soo much. when i didn't eat i could look in the mirrow and think i looked skinny and i liked it but when i eat i just feel and look so huge! i hate it so much i dont' want to look in the mirrow and think i look fat.
Replies
I know I hate night too. I always think about everything. You are not fat honey I\'ve seen your pictures, you are beautiful and you just have to remember that!! Keep the faith it\'s a new day.
Maybe you should have a night lite, or TV on or radio, just for some comfort. And even though you know u r safe now mentally, it might help to lock your windows and door. If you cant lock your door put something in front of it. That way, in your mind, you know u r safe. And if your mom isn\'t helping you, go to your school counselor, or another adult who will listen and guide you to counseling and help. Just having someone to tell it to helps. Anyway I can help you from here? Love Nichole
I understand nightmares and flashback. I remember my ex step dad would get me in the middle of the night and lock the door behind me. I can\'t fall alseep with the door being open a little bit. I also have a fan going to drown out some noise. Misschels right, You should what you need to make yourself feel safe. Can you buy a door knob with a lock on it. I don\'t understand anything about the eating disorder. I can tell you this. You are harming your body from food and love. Believe you me you are not fat you are beautiful. I have seen your pictures they a cute. what about just eating healthy thinks like snack on carrots with peanut butter or eat raw green beans etc. eat more fruits and vegetable there is no fat in those things and you can still give yourself vitamins it needs to stay alive. Try to remember that hang in there hugs and love shi
karyl, I was abused in the daytime, and I have nightmares at night also. I think because I don\'t want to fall asleep for fear of waking up. I got put on seroquel to help me sleep better, and it\'s working. next time your in your doctor\'s office, you should ask about a sleep aid. And, honey, I\'ve never seen pictures of you, but I\'d like to, and i\'m sure you\'re not actually fat. Your mind makes the mirror look screwed up. Your body is a wonderful creation of god, and he wants it to be healthy. You need to eat the proper foods to be healthy. Don\'t get me wrong, eating unhealthy foods is not so good, but veggies, protein and some carbs everyday is what you really need to eat in order to keep your health up to tip top shape. I learned that yesterday from my therapist, because I only used to eat one meal per day, and I am not even remotely healthy because of it. If you want to talk, you know I\'m here.