ok so this journal is about my family and everything and how i feel about some of the situations. so i'll be skipping from one this to another and prolly back again. and it will prolly be long too lol.
i was born in chorpus christy texas and we moved up here when i was 7 i believe. i have two brother they are both older than me and i have a mom and a dad. my brothers have always been into drinking and drugs as long as i can remember and them being into drugs have been really hard on my family. once we moved up here it just seemed to spiral out of control. it became a regular thing that the cops would bring them home.everyone knew who we were and alway's talked about my family. they alway's said i would end up just like my brothers. after a while i decided to give them what they wanted and so i started smoking and drinking but i never really got into drinking but after a year or so i decided that that's not what i wanted for myself and now i don't do it anymore. my parents have tryed to get my brothers help they put them in support groups and everything but it didn't help. my paretns especially my mom doesn't like people to know about some of the stuff like my brother drinking and me being sexually abused we just tend to forget about our problems so that we seem normal but we not and so we can't hid that we can't pretend were something were not. i live in a town of like 300 so basicly you know everyone and everyone know's you and anything about you. i guess i just don't get why it's a big deal to have problems it show's your not perfect but i understand where my mom is coming from. i think my mom had high expectations for our family like i do. i want this like perfect family one that eats together and is able to talk to eachother and does things together as a family but i guess that's to much to ask for. i hid my pain in my sports because i just find it easer to do that. if i keep myself busy with sports then i don't have to face my problems. except for this year. i've decided not to and to face my problems and it's really scary. my family is really disonnected i don't think my mom could tell you anything about me. idk if my dad could either i don't talk to him much and that realy makes me sad. latly i've wanted to talk to him but idk how. i've never been good with starting a conversation with anyone. my brother luke and i are pretty close if i didnt' have him i'd prolly go insane. i guess my dad and him are the only ones i havetn diconnected myself from. my family is just so distorted i wanted to go to family counseling but i don't think my mom thought that was a good idea. we did have a family counselor once she was appointed to us by the court because of my brothers drinking and oo i can't think of the word it right at the tip of my toung but its when you destroy someones property or something but anyway's so she came but she never told me i had to come and my parents never said i had to either because they didn't think i was suppose to but they were confused about it. she was still counseling us but was almost done and my mom called her and told her what had happen to me and she came over and asked my why i didn't tell her that she could have seen me too.my brother thinks i'm spoiled and i kind of am but i don't see why i shouldn't be. i know that prolly sounds spoild and rotten but i'm the good kid and i alway's do what my parents tell me to do. i'm doing pretty good and school and i keep up with my homework. i don't go out and party every night infact i'm usually home lol i guess i just like to be home. but i'm not one of thoes braty spoiled kids. i ask for alot of things just to see if i can get it and if i don't then i don't really care. my mom and i will go shopping and i usually don't get anything because i don't feel like i need some of the things. this christmas i told my mom not to get me anything unless there's something i REALLY want and because i want to give other people presents that can't afford to give their kids something or eachother. but my mom said that what we shoudl do is start buying things when their on sail and saving them so when christmas comes around i already have alot of stuff cuz other wise some of the things will be expencive. well my mom told me i couldn't tell anyone what happend to me except my friend kenzi and i didn't find that very fair because she didn't really like me talking about it to her and i'm pretty sure she thought i was making it up. but my mom was able to talk to my aunts and my dad about it and i only had one person and it happend to ME. but i told some of my friends and my basketball coach who i became very close to. and i found that that she was hurt but not really in the same way as me but i'm not gonna say how. but she was really helpful and we talked about everything and she was alway's there for me and i was alway's there for her. but now things have changed ALOT! we hardly get to see eachother and that's mostly becuse right now she's in a local play so she has play pratice every night and i can totally understand. but it just alway's seems like something comes up and we have to cancle our plans and now i only get to talk to her like for 10 minutes at the most and don't get me wrong i'll take what i can get it's just really frustrating and we were suppose to talk yesterday because i just really needed to talk and i wanted to talk to her but her aunt came up and her grandpa what having heart surgary and so totally understandble again but she had said in a text that she alway's has time for me and i guess i just don't see it that why because our plans keep getting cancled like god doesn't what us to hang out or talk but i don't understand why that would be. idk i guess i'm just frusterated with it all. but i think that's it for my life and sorry it was REALLY REALLY long.
i was born in chorpus christy texas and we moved up here when i was 7 i believe. i have two brother they are both older than me and i have a mom and a dad. my brothers have always been into drinking and drugs as long as i can remember and them being into drugs have been really hard on my family. once we moved up here it just seemed to spiral out of control. it became a regular thing that the cops would bring them home.everyone knew who we were and alway's talked about my family. they alway's said i would end up just like my brothers. after a while i decided to give them what they wanted and so i started smoking and drinking but i never really got into drinking but after a year or so i decided that that's not what i wanted for myself and now i don't do it anymore. my parents have tryed to get my brothers help they put them in support groups and everything but it didn't help. my paretns especially my mom doesn't like people to know about some of the stuff like my brother drinking and me being sexually abused we just tend to forget about our problems so that we seem normal but we not and so we can't hid that we can't pretend were something were not. i live in a town of like 300 so basicly you know everyone and everyone know's you and anything about you. i guess i just don't get why it's a big deal to have problems it show's your not perfect but i understand where my mom is coming from. i think my mom had high expectations for our family like i do. i want this like perfect family one that eats together and is able to talk to eachother and does things together as a family but i guess that's to much to ask for. i hid my pain in my sports because i just find it easer to do that. if i keep myself busy with sports then i don't have to face my problems. except for this year. i've decided not to and to face my problems and it's really scary. my family is really disonnected i don't think my mom could tell you anything about me. idk if my dad could either i don't talk to him much and that realy makes me sad. latly i've wanted to talk to him but idk how. i've never been good with starting a conversation with anyone. my brother luke and i are pretty close if i didnt' have him i'd prolly go insane. i guess my dad and him are the only ones i havetn diconnected myself from. my family is just so distorted i wanted to go to family counseling but i don't think my mom thought that was a good idea. we did have a family counselor once she was appointed to us by the court because of my brothers drinking and oo i can't think of the word it right at the tip of my toung but its when you destroy someones property or something but anyway's so she came but she never told me i had to come and my parents never said i had to either because they didn't think i was suppose to but they were confused about it. she was still counseling us but was almost done and my mom called her and told her what had happen to me and she came over and asked my why i didn't tell her that she could have seen me too.my brother thinks i'm spoiled and i kind of am but i don't see why i shouldn't be. i know that prolly sounds spoild and rotten but i'm the good kid and i alway's do what my parents tell me to do. i'm doing pretty good and school and i keep up with my homework. i don't go out and party every night infact i'm usually home lol i guess i just like to be home. but i'm not one of thoes braty spoiled kids. i ask for alot of things just to see if i can get it and if i don't then i don't really care. my mom and i will go shopping and i usually don't get anything because i don't feel like i need some of the things. this christmas i told my mom not to get me anything unless there's something i REALLY want and because i want to give other people presents that can't afford to give their kids something or eachother. but my mom said that what we shoudl do is start buying things when their on sail and saving them so when christmas comes around i already have alot of stuff cuz other wise some of the things will be expencive. well my mom told me i couldn't tell anyone what happend to me except my friend kenzi and i didn't find that very fair because she didn't really like me talking about it to her and i'm pretty sure she thought i was making it up. but my mom was able to talk to my aunts and my dad about it and i only had one person and it happend to ME. but i told some of my friends and my basketball coach who i became very close to. and i found that that she was hurt but not really in the same way as me but i'm not gonna say how. but she was really helpful and we talked about everything and she was alway's there for me and i was alway's there for her. but now things have changed ALOT! we hardly get to see eachother and that's mostly becuse right now she's in a local play so she has play pratice every night and i can totally understand. but it just alway's seems like something comes up and we have to cancle our plans and now i only get to talk to her like for 10 minutes at the most and don't get me wrong i'll take what i can get it's just really frustrating and we were suppose to talk yesterday because i just really needed to talk and i wanted to talk to her but her aunt came up and her grandpa what having heart surgary and so totally understandble again but she had said in a text that she alway's has time for me and i guess i just don't see it that why because our plans keep getting cancled like god doesn't what us to hang out or talk but i don't understand why that would be. idk i guess i'm just frusterated with it all. but i think that's it for my life and sorry it was REALLY REALLY long.
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