well i sort of consider my self an only child even tho i have two brothers. the oldest is in iraq so he's not here. and my other brother is never home, he's out with friends and getting drunk and high. and my parents usually go to the bar on the weekends and if they are home we don't talk.so i'm usually left home alone and it get's boring after awhile. i have no one to talk to and no one seems to notice i'm hurting and that all i want is to be loved and i know it might sound corny and weird but i just want someone to hold me and comfort me. i just want to die i want to leave here and just be free. i'm tired of being alone and having to do everything for myself i'm only 16 i should be begging my mom to get me counsoling she should know i need help. i have such i standars set for my self that i can't reach them and it's killing to try. i just want to slit my wrist so i can watch the blood roll out of my body and fell myself slowly dieing. or i've even counted how maybe pills i have so i can just drug myself. AHHHHHHHHHH I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!!!! i just don't feel like i'm good enough or anything. sometimes i just wish i had a sister that i could talk to.
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I dont know what to tell you...life sucks sometimes and its really hard..but you shouldnt be thinking about killing yourself. Your a young pretty girl...and things may be looking down right now for you..but i promise you they will get better!! and always remember Gods is never going to give you anything you cant handle, just stay strong and keep your head up..iknow its hard but just try to stay positive..if you ever need to talk im here...all the crap you have been through isnt worth taking your life..it will like letting them win...does that make since? I hope you start to feel better!! im here if ya need to talk!
Karyl, I feel your pain. I felt your pain. So much of your story reminds me of when I was your age. Parents are in a state of denial much of the time. I didn\'t tell mine what happened until I was out of college. Then they figured the counselor would \"fix\" me. If I just went to counseling or to church or made friends or smiled all the time...I would be fixed. They still feel that way. If I take meds then I\'m being fixed or if I\'m off meds then I must be \"fixed\". The trick is to learn to live for you and you alone. It\'s not that you stop loving them or that they never loved you, but to accept their disability (inability to see beyond what they want life to be) and love them anyway, AND LOVE YOU ANYWAY. The thing is, it\'s hard at your age. You are dependent on them, still a kid, without the resources to do for yourself. I\'m saying these things not to bring you further down, but so that you know I believe you and understand your pain. Just hold on. It is NOT hopeless. My life isn\'t perfect, but 20 years later I\'m still here, and I do something useful in the world.
If I can help, or you feel you can talk to me, just let me know. I\'m here.
Cate
Just wanted to vouch for those first 2 comments: It does get better! I was there too. I\'m 25 now. The most recent time I felt that way was when I was about 22. Just shortly removed from it, I can live my life like I never felt that way. There\'s major hope, Girl! Big serious major. LA22 is right; stay strong and be confident that God won\'t smoosh you. He might be giving you opportunity to exercise your muscles (so to speak), but you\'ll just come out stronger! Stick with it! And stick with Him!
hugs,
softheart