I still can't get out of this hole.These past few week s have been awful.These been a few things happen when i've thought WHAT WOULD DAD HAVE SAID,WHAT WOULD HE HAVE DONE so i think it's begining to sink in that my Dad is not here anymore.My Mum and brother are so close that now my Dad has gone i have no one to turn to.  My friend that lossed her Dad before christmas i think has got the hump with me which in one way i don't care but another i do.When we found out our Dad's were ill i thought we would always be there for each other but as i said in a previous journal she goes on about herslf and her situation and never listens to what i want to say.So that didn't really bother me when i go into work i try to be cheerful as i work in a sports and social club can't bring others down with the way i feel.So Monday i go back to work after a week off( and having a crappy week) and a few people i know really well were there asked if i was ok and i'd had a good week and i said NO she got all humpy.She spoke to one of my friends about it and my friend told her that we all grieve diffferent well Sue turned roud and said well i've lossed both my parent does that mean then i shouldn't  be miserable that i have to wait till i've lossed both my parents.She goes on about hreslf it's driving me mad.She didn't have a great relationship with her Dad he was abusive to her and her brothers  and she only saw him a few times a year bit know she makes excuses to why .I think it's guilty concious.My friend Rita did put her in her place.One day out of the 15 weeks and 4 days since my Dad left i.ve be unhappy at work i think i've done pretty good it's hard having to smile and make conversation when your crumbling inside. I just needed to get this out as it's going round and round in my head.Sorry.    Dad i miss you so much.Love you xxxxxxxxx