Sunday Morning
Good Morning Sisters of the Heart - It is a beautiful morning, sun shining brightly, clear skies. I am doing my best to see the positive and stay away from the deep dark place I seem to be going down these days.
Today I have house stuff to do, cleaning, laundry, grocery stores, etc.....This coming week will be a short week as Tuesday is a holiday so that's a positive thing! The kids @ school are like rubber bands, ready to jump at any second. The closer it gets to our Thanksgiving break, the kids get wilder. They always seem to want to start early with their break with various complaints of stomach aches, headaches, foot hurts, etc.My day is never the same and always brings a smile to my face.
I'm hanging onto all of you who will get me through the next couple of weeks - I feel like I am right back to that very moment that Jennifer left this world - having a hard time reaching out to anyone else, so consumed with my heart....I've had people tell me, "you look tired" - I finally said to one of my co-workers, "I'm not tired, I'm sad" - the sadness in my eyes seems to always be there so maybe I am tired - I don't know....sometimes though I need someone to say something else to me .. Guess we don't always get what we need, do we?
Have a blessed Sunday. Much love to you all. Vicki
Today I have house stuff to do, cleaning, laundry, grocery stores, etc.....This coming week will be a short week as Tuesday is a holiday so that's a positive thing! The kids @ school are like rubber bands, ready to jump at any second. The closer it gets to our Thanksgiving break, the kids get wilder. They always seem to want to start early with their break with various complaints of stomach aches, headaches, foot hurts, etc.My day is never the same and always brings a smile to my face.
I'm hanging onto all of you who will get me through the next couple of weeks - I feel like I am right back to that very moment that Jennifer left this world - having a hard time reaching out to anyone else, so consumed with my heart....I've had people tell me, "you look tired" - I finally said to one of my co-workers, "I'm not tired, I'm sad" - the sadness in my eyes seems to always be there so maybe I am tired - I don't know....sometimes though I need someone to say something else to me .. Guess we don't always get what we need, do we?
Have a blessed Sunday. Much love to you all. Vicki
Replies
So very true Vicki, I started cleaning this morning as 7 am and now I need a nap. It is so good to get something accomplished. Hoping the sun seeps into you for strength. Hugs, Kathy
Oh, Vicki... the courage that it takes simply to say, \"I\'m sad.\" Also, feeling so very weary and tired of being sad... I know my friend and send the tightest of heart (((hug))) and understanding.
One thing I do know and have come to understand as a truth for me... I will never be where I was on that fateful day that my son shed his earth suit. Even though I may fear that I am right back where I was, I\'m not. You are not either, so if that brings even a nano amount of comfort hold onto it and embrace it too when you are ready to. No time tables and no right or wrong way... Just each of us finding what helps us navigate this very challenging path.
I call it my \"Zen\" time of cleaning and go into the zone. Sometimes just to see things get accomplished is the \"order\" that I need. Also, time for sacred rest too... Way to go for getting some of these things done and the sunshine is often just the boost one needs. :)
Lots of love and oh, how I remember my little charges during these times of the school year. Around now we were having parent teacher conferences and when I had done my \"fiftieth\" I could not believe how fast those years had gone.
You will get through these days and emerge on the other side. Hold on tightly and lean on your sisters of the heart all that you need to. Knowing how deeply loved and sorely missed your Jennifer IS.
Hand in hand and Heart to heart,
XO Joanie
Dear Vicki. People just don\'t understand grieving. They really think we should be over it in a week and a half. You were so right to remind them that you are sad. I have told people that grieving is exhausting. There are times, even now, when I just need to curl up and cry. As our children\'s angel day approaches, it is even harder as we are reminded of our horrendous loss.
I hope you find housework a positive activity. I hate it and just feel worse - I tend to see what what else needs to be done and it just depresses me. So I have found other things to do to zone out - walking, crossword puzzles etc.
It is really hard to let others know that we are struggling. Now, I just say \"i\'m having a bad day\". My friends know what I mean and are very supportive.
I am blessed to have friends who are very supportive, however nobody truly understands unless they too have lost a child. I am so grateful for FMO - here I am understood and really supported.
Just know that you are not alone. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and to cry with you.
Love and hugs,
Marlene
I get the \"you look tired\" stuff.... and yes,,, I am just sad.... being sad together... love ya!
I think that you look lovely...wise beyond your years..a woman surviving with grace..that is what I see. Kids flock to your office because they sense your spirit and the Spirit of the One that you represent. You are an ambassador to those kids. Love Lauri
It is a sad time especially now that the holidays are near. Missing our Angels very much. I do get sad, I turn inward sometimes its good other times it is depressing. We will hold each other up, I know to expect sadness this time of year. I do hope your kids will keep you balanced and give you happiness when you need it the most..
Hugs Penny
Grieving is totally exhausting !! I have really aged, in the three years since losing my Dean. I am tired all the time and sad goes right along with it. I am dreading the holidays, but so happy to have you and my other sisters to walk through this grief journey with me...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
I totally get it when you say you need someone to say something other than how tired you look. If they would just give us a hug instead. I believe that\'s why FMO is such a special place....we understand each other.
Hugging you with all my heart.
You will make it through the next few weeks...somehow WE do. We are resilient and even though we may be tired or sad...life goes on. Those little rubber bands may be wound tight right now...but they probably somehow brighten each day for you...and YOU for them...love and gentle hugs...Karen