One Day At A Time
Hello SOTH - Thank you all so much for your heartfelt comments on my journal and profile. I have never experienced such sweet and kind words from women who "get it". I too wish I did not have to experience this loss but I'm so glad I have people like you to read what I write without judgment. It is such a blessing!
My visit with Hunter was so wonderful. I had not seen him since Jennifer's memorial in December. He greeted me at the door with such a big hug and was so excited to see me that my heart was so full. The emptiness that is there everyday became full when I hugged him. Sunday was a great day, spending the whole day with him. We really have a connection and I was beginning to think I had lost all of my connections - guess I was feeling lost. What I didn't expect was the feelings I would experience when I left Sunday nite. When I returned to the hotel, I lost it. I cried uncontrollably most of the night. I think it was two-fold, obviously because my daughter was not there but also because life as I knew it will not be the same ever. Finding a "new road" to travel is going to take some time for Hunter and myself without his mom but for today I feel so happy that I spent time with him and we were both able to be smile.
God has a plan - I may not like it at times but I believe He has a plan that is better than anything we could ever do. He sees my sorrow and catches my tears and know my daughter is with Him happier than she has ever been. She is free of pain and sickness and walking those streets of gold with my mom. And for that I can find joy because I too, someday will join them. Until then, however, I'm going to take one day at a time, sometimes one second at a time and thanks to all of you, I know I can make it.
My visit with Hunter was so wonderful. I had not seen him since Jennifer's memorial in December. He greeted me at the door with such a big hug and was so excited to see me that my heart was so full. The emptiness that is there everyday became full when I hugged him. Sunday was a great day, spending the whole day with him. We really have a connection and I was beginning to think I had lost all of my connections - guess I was feeling lost. What I didn't expect was the feelings I would experience when I left Sunday nite. When I returned to the hotel, I lost it. I cried uncontrollably most of the night. I think it was two-fold, obviously because my daughter was not there but also because life as I knew it will not be the same ever. Finding a "new road" to travel is going to take some time for Hunter and myself without his mom but for today I feel so happy that I spent time with him and we were both able to be smile.
God has a plan - I may not like it at times but I believe He has a plan that is better than anything we could ever do. He sees my sorrow and catches my tears and know my daughter is with Him happier than she has ever been. She is free of pain and sickness and walking those streets of gold with my mom. And for that I can find joy because I too, someday will join them. Until then, however, I'm going to take one day at a time, sometimes one second at a time and thanks to all of you, I know I can make it.
Replies
Yes, a second at a time sometimes. I am so glad that you were able to see your precious Hunter...those little ones really warm your heart. I am glad you are feeling welcomed here...we do understand and want to always offer you love and support. Karen
That was such a beautiful journal. My mom and My daughter are in Heaven to. is Hunter your daughters child??? How come you had to go to a hotel after your vist with Hunter could,nt you stay with Hunter ? You don,t have to tell me but so sad to me. Well at least you had a nice day. No our lives have forever been changed. I just feel empty most of the time. My life was my daughter, all the dinners, picnics,s movies, phone calls the Holidays all gone now I have no family at all just a sister and we are,nt real close and my husband and my fur kids my rotties. thats it. Well you have a nice night, as best as you can, bless your angel love mary ann
Hi, I have not been on in a couple days but want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. This journey is so hard, but I depend on my faith to pull me through as well. I am glad you feel welcomed and love this site as most all of us do...
Leda
so glad you and Hunter had a great visit.... those tears... they come,,, they go,,, they are ( I was told) cleansing tears.. love ya!
We are so blessed to our grandchildren as a legacy. Enjoy him!
I skipped a word..we are so blessed to have our grandchildren
I am happy that your visit with Hunter went well! I know that my son and your daughter are free at last and I guess I tried to think that in the beginning, but my true acceptance came when I found my own peace with it. Early on, I went to a Compassionate Friends meeting and a lady said to me that she had \"one safe child and that was the one who died\". I didn\'t have a grasp on that at the time, but I do now. My faith is stronger now than it ever was...before Michael died, I suppose I just took it for granted. After his death, I struggled with it, analyzed it, questioned it and finally came to a comfortable place with it.
Peace.
Those visits are so important and I\'m grateful that you felt that heart connection with Hunter. I\'m glad you let those tears flow and sometimes the finger just has to come out of the dike I have discovered.
Loving care to you as you navigate this unknown territory without any markers yet many anchor places to tie up to when weary. FMO is one of those anchor places for me.
I thought of you over that weekend and am delighted to read how it felt and was for you.
Hand in hand and Heart to heart we go,
XO Joanie