Overwhelmed
I am so overwhelmed and at the same time feeling full of joy because of your responses. I have been crying off and on all day because your comments and hugs give me such great comfort. I miss my daughter so much - I keep thinking that my phone will show her name and I will hear her voice just one more time. I was so busy the month after she died because her duplex needed to be cleaned out so I did what I had to do but now I have a storage full of her things and I can't bear to go there. Now 2 months later, the reality is setting in that she's not coming back and all my crying, yelling, praying isn't going to bring her back so I'm sad. Jennifer was an amazing girl - she was 36 years old, a single mom to Hunter. She was a great woman of faith and trusted God for everything; sometimes financial, sometimes for healing; and all the time wisdom to know the right thing to do. She was such an encourager to her friends and bible study group even tho she was going through Chemo. I wish I would have said more to her, I wish I would have hugged her more,,I wish, I wish.....I hug a blanket that she had on her couch just to feel close to her at night.... Thank you for letting me know you get it...I'm so sorry for all of you losing your child... Thank you for reaching out.
Replies
When my daughter died I also had to go to her home (she owned her own home) I could not go there for about 3 months When I walked in. I was just in such dispair heart ache. I also held thing thaat belonged to her. She died in 2003 of Lupus it took 81 days . and I still like you when the phone rings hope it is her. we talked on the phone every day. God bless you and your family, Also bless your Jennifer. hugs Mary Ann
We do get it dear friend. When I first came here over a yr ago, I knew I had found very caring moms. The support here is genuine, so please feel free to come & be among moms who truly understand.
Your precious Jennifer sounds like a loving wonderful young woman. She will always & forever be your daughter. As we learn more about each other\'s children we grow to love them too. Share whatever & whenever you want about her.
I would like to offer my friendship to you. You are welcome to read my journals & even look at my photos. This is how we get to know each other.
Hugs of compassion.....Vicki (Jeremy & Chad\'s mom)
Much love for you today my new friend. We all understand and will hold your hand, every step of the way...
((((HUGS))))....Julia
There is such comfort in knowing there are others that understand even though we really wish thee no broken hearted moms. Writing journals really helped me. The experiences and wisdom that was shared through comments gave me hope. Hope that one day I could find some joy again. It IS a long road, and I know it seems impossible now...but what you are feeling right now will change. You will always ache for your daughter but you learn to incorporate her absence into your life. For now...take it a moment at a time. Live and gentle hugs...Karen
the crying and yelling seem to stay forever..... get lots of tissues..... love ya!!
You did what you had to do with her duplex, yet do not feel there is a timeline with her belongings. You will know when you have the strength to do this. It\'s such a tender time because a tsunami of emotions meets you at the door and hoping that something they were wearing still has that familiar scent that was uniquely theirs, holding a treasured item that has a flood of memories attached to it. all of this I hold with you and remember vividly.
Keep writing, reading, feeling, trusting, healing, receiving, and know that you are among a circle of sisters of the heart (soths) who understand because each of us has individually experienced this collective loss of our beloved children.
Just this moment, just this day...
Hand in hand and Heart to heart we go,
Joanie
baby steps - just keep putting one foot in front of the other - some days sooooo very much easier than others. {{{HUIGS}}}
You are among friends here with these moms...the most awesome in the universe!
It is so ______ to lose a child...really there are no words to describe it, one has to live it to fully understand, and we are so heartbroken to hear that you have to embark on this journey.
I want to let you know that there is hope and light in the future...there are no shortcuts, believe me, I looked. One has to just examine and feel each layer of grief as it presents itself...some will use the term \"lean into it\"(the pain)--meaning not to avoid it. For me this is true. I tried to stuff the pain...stand strong...be there for others...tell everyone I was ok, when I was not to spare them being uncomfortable...I felt pressure from others to \"get over it--move forward\", all well meaning comments from people that I knew and that cared about me--eventually I came to understand, that I just needed to feel how I needed to feel, when I needed to feel it, for as long as I needed to feel it and as many times as I needed to examine it and talk about my child and my feelings...that it was ok to be mad, sad, weary, outraged, guilty, jealous of others that have their children, even want isolation then want interactions with others ..we will be here to understand all of this and will support you.
But I want you to know that after a while, when you are ready, you will decide to want to re-engage in life--and we hope that you will see that we have survived this...that we are also human and have our \"bad days\", too and that we will continue to support you.
You see, many of us have found that the more that we reach out to others the more healing takes place in our own hearts...
Now it is time to take gentle care of YOU,
AnnM, mother of Daren
Yes, I \"get it\". I remember shortly after my son died and the service was over and my other son went back to college and all of a sudden, the phone stopped ringing, people stopped coming over and every one went back to their lives. My son died the Saturday before Thanksgiving and everyone moved right from the Memorial Service to what dish they were bringing for dinner. I never felt more alone that I did then. As for Jennifer\'s belongings, you need only take your time and never be pressured about it. At first, I had people on my back about what to do with my son\'s ashes. I still have them and will not let anyone pressure me to do what I am not ready to do. I will know when I am ready! When my son\'s clothes were returned to me after his death, his friend had washed them, meaning well. I never told him how I so wished he had not done that! I wanted to smell them. Jennifer sounds like she was a wonderful young lady and mom. You will go through many emotions, changes, adjust only to readjust. You will peel off layers only to find there are even more layers underneath. Just when you think you have gotten a grasp on one thing, you will have to deal with another whole new thing. For me, this went on for 2 years. At first, I tortured myself over that I didn\'t hug my son that last morning that I saw him...It was 5 am in the morning and I was barely awake. I don\'t even know if I said I love you. I no longer focus on those things. I smile when I remember our last trip to Florida, our last Concert together (Coldplay). In time, you will come to terms with the \"I wishes\". In the meantime, we are here to share every step of your journey with you. Some of us have some years behind us and some don\'t have quite so long and some are very new, yet we all hold each other\'s hands in this and we all have something to give to each other. I know when I hear the pain of a \"new\" mom, my heart SO wants to tell you that it will get better, but I know that I had to take it a step at a time, with encouragement from those ahead of me. And also, share with those who were at the same place in my journey. And like AnnM said, there are no shortcuts on this road.
Peace. Belinda