Confused

I grew up in a very abusive home. Well by my dad. My mom either didn't have a clue what was going on or just didn't want to know what was going on. On January 12th, 2014 my daughter calls me to tell me my dad ( well really my step dad) has had numerous heart attacks and has passed away. I never thought after every thing he has done to me in my life that I would mourn for him. I always believed that I would feel some sort of relief that my nightmare was finally over but that's not how it's been at all. These past 4 months are nothing but a blur. I have vague memories here and there but mostly it's all just a blank since his wake. I just don't understand why?