Down

After 19 year relationship how does someone turn off their emotion. Hearing that she is happy and moving on as if our relationship never existed breaks me down even further.
I have been living in 7 months of pain, always thinking of her, wishing her back with me with all of my heart. Hearing that she is better than ever and on cloud nine just hurts me to the core.
Having a hardtime grasping and understanding this...
Just another bad day in a long list of bad days.
Sometimes I feel just ending my life and the pain I am experiencing is the only alternative. I just want to get to the point where the pain is not so bad...