torn
I just feel sad...
What a week it was last week, divorce meeting was intense and painful. I guess I didn't mean that much to her, as I was in tears most of the time, she showed no emotion. I don't know how she does that.
Now the funeral this Friday, do I go, don't I go...I don't know what to do. I know if I go I will be an emotional wreck and in tears most of the time. I am afraid to see her parents, cousins, family...
I don't go, am I just running away??? I feel I should go and suck it up but would that be fair to me, isn't it just about me now???
Seeing her last Friday tells me I miss her so much and want her back in my life, I want my old life back. I know divorce is not what I want but I have no choice in this...
Keep fighting is what I tell myself but honestly....don't know how much longer I can do it....
What a week it was last week, divorce meeting was intense and painful. I guess I didn't mean that much to her, as I was in tears most of the time, she showed no emotion. I don't know how she does that.
Now the funeral this Friday, do I go, don't I go...I don't know what to do. I know if I go I will be an emotional wreck and in tears most of the time. I am afraid to see her parents, cousins, family...
I don't go, am I just running away??? I feel I should go and suck it up but would that be fair to me, isn't it just about me now???
Seeing her last Friday tells me I miss her so much and want her back in my life, I want my old life back. I know divorce is not what I want but I have no choice in this...
Keep fighting is what I tell myself but honestly....don't know how much longer I can do it....
Replies
My friend hugs. I can feel your pain and anguish. There is nothing you can do. When his father died, I wanted to go but he did not want me there. So I did not go. You need to be gentle with yourself. You can go the cemetery and bring some flowers. No, you are not running away from anything. It is hard to bear I know that but you must look after yourself.
The decision to go is yours, but you are not running away from anything by not going. In fact, you have been steadfast and true the entire time. You should take some saticefaction in the honor in which you have conducted yourself. The tears are not shameful but give healing as you mourn your tragic loss. I know. I am watering the seeds of hope and love in my own heart with the tears I shed in grief. We will get there and find what the Lord has planned that is even better than what we have lost.
Praying for strength and healing for both of us.
I\'m sorry for this hard time. When my MIL passed away I debated on going but my counselor told me by me going it would just be a distraction to the family. At first I thought, so what? This isn\'t my choice to be divorced, then it started stressing me out wondering should or shouldn\'t I go? I knew she loved me and I loved her and honestly that was enough for me. I didn\'t go nor do I regret not going. My ex chose a life w/out me, I knew my place in that family. It was a hard day and I have felt her spirit a time or two since so I know she knows. One time as I was talking to my ex (months after the funeral) I told him why I didn\'t go, he claims he understood. Whatever, it doesn\'t matter in the long run really.
Whatever you decide will be tough. Again, I\'m sorry for the pain of this in addition to all of the other pain you\'re going through. Life really sucks at times. Hugs~
Thoughts and prayers as you make a very hard decision for yourself. There is no right or wrong here. It is how much can you bear at this specific time. You know where you are emotionally and are the best judge of how much grief that you can handle today, right now. I am sorry for your losses, ... better days ahead. TCB
Wondering how you are doing. You are in my prayers.