Scared
I know many of you will see this as far too soon, but I am so scared. I hear that this grief continues for many months, sometimes years. I feel like I am walking through treacle. I wake in the morning, tread my way through the day, go to bed, wake up and start treading again. My husband passed away just over 2 weeks ago. The funeral is this coming Thursday. I am trying to convince myself that when it is over I will feel a little more settled but I doubt it as this grief is consuming my every waking moment.
I have good family who are supportive (and for that I am really grateful). But my point is, if I have to struggle through this overwhelming feeling every day for a few years, then what? With my husband I was totally contented. We were totally in love with each other and were more than happy just sitting watching tele with a cuppa. I was with him for 33 years and our love never waivered. An evil disease took his life, leukaemia. Such a wonderful man, knowing that every one he knew only had good things to say about him.
Yes I know it is only two weeks and I feel I have only just started out on this journey and yet I feel someone out there who lost someone two years ago is still going through what I am going through. Is there actually any point to all this suffering?
I have good family who are supportive (and for that I am really grateful). But my point is, if I have to struggle through this overwhelming feeling every day for a few years, then what? With my husband I was totally contented. We were totally in love with each other and were more than happy just sitting watching tele with a cuppa. I was with him for 33 years and our love never waivered. An evil disease took his life, leukaemia. Such a wonderful man, knowing that every one he knew only had good things to say about him.
Yes I know it is only two weeks and I feel I have only just started out on this journey and yet I feel someone out there who lost someone two years ago is still going through what I am going through. Is there actually any point to all this suffering?
Replies
I lost my husband 11 months ago. I still cry everyday. I miss him so much I can\'t stand it. We were married 35 years. It was a second marriage for us both. We were so happy. I have 4 kids he had none but was a wonderful father to mine. People keep saying time. I\'m 69 how much time do I have. I do the same thing you do everyday, just get through the day. All we can do is take one day at a time and hope and pray things get better. People here tell me they will. They say everyone is different and handles things differently. They are good understanding people. They will help you through this. Just a warning. I think it is worse after the funeral. The funeral makes it final. It was for me anyway. Just take one day at a time, know people care and take care of yourself. I think the loneliness is the worse thing to try to adjust to. Just knowing he was here was comfort. We didn\'t even have to be in the same room. I miss him so and love him so much. Life can be hard. We have to get through this. (((Hugs)) to you. Linda
Oh Linda it seems we are similar. Ours too was a second marriage for both and I too had four children that he took on as young teenagers and he had none. They all adored him. We did have one of our own. She is now 30. And I too am 69. He was just 64 and one week. And yes, I totally understand the \"being here\" bit. We did a lot together, camping, walking, holidays. We had many planned for the near future and they have had to be cancelled. Some people believe it is harder for me to lose my future because we had so much planned but that is not true. The hardest thing is him not being here. The plans means nothing. All I want is for him to come into the room, give me a hug like he used to and tell me he loved me. We had about 2 weeks notice that he was not going to make it. Up until that time we all believed he would pull through as he had been diagnosed with leukaemia nearly 3 years ago, foughtt it like a madman and beat it. Then sadly it came back again this June. Again he was determined to beat it but this time it was not to be. I take some comfort in the small things like he did not know he was dying. Right up until the time he lost consciousness he believed he would get better. I just wished I could have layed down with him that awful day and gone to sleep with him. He was my love, my life, my soulmate. Thank you for contacting me. Jo