it is an odd thing how feelings can be debilitating. Well, after 16yrs of "relative" health, I have very gradually relapsed. I could point to many triggers, but I only know that I may have to go inpatient for a while. It amazes me that I don't feel I can talk to anyone but my doctors and the people here. Who else will listen or even have a vague undertstanding of the punishment that bipolar dishes out... especially these past 6mos.?? Friends and family are too busy or too involved in their own crap. I don't beleive God put me here to suffer. I beleive, however, He will hold my hand as I walk through it.... again... because when it's all said and done I am afraid.. so afraid. It's been 16yrs since I had ECT, but I will thank God for those 16yrs and look forward to a new beginning. I am disappointed and sad. I am not without hope and God's love, however. These things I'm thankful for.