Whenever I started to get close to someone (transitioning from acquaintance to friend), I inevitably ended up saying something horrifying.I think its a way we insulate ourselves because our nerves are still shot. Its like that old saying, "I'm on my last nerve." We stay that way until we can heal. We have to forgive ourselves, which is hard. Then we have to forgive our tormentors, which is harder still.Otherwise, we feel everyone is a potential tormentor and treat them that way, with distrust and distance.
Replies
Yeah, I can agree with that. I am always afraid of being \'dumped\'. I get to know someone, get to be friends and then I worry that one day they are just going to drop me. Which is one reason why I struggled so hard to put up my photo. I was sure that if they saw what I looked like they would think \'ugh, she is too homely to want to get to know...and her mother was right, her photo is a mess\'. I have a hard time sometimes with trust issues. But in the same vein, I am learning how to tell myself that if someone \'goes\' it isn\'t always \'me\' or I wasn\'t the fault for their \'going\'. Which is why I have a hard time making friends in real life becasue of that \'they are going to dump me soon\'...but now..I\'ve got to think \'it isn\'t always me...it could be a number of reasons.\'
I sent my cousin a photo of me. He\'s related so he \'has\' to like me..hahaha!!!! he hasn\'t seen a photo of me in almost 30 years and he said I looked great for being 49. He said I looked like my mother...*cringe* I like to think I look like my Aunt, whom I simply adore.
LL
I agree, It is very difficult to open yourself to people who you hardly know, I have been lucky to meet and know people here and become friends with you all, but that always isnt the case. but I hope to continue to be a good friend.. and not an enemy.. Rex
Real friends even initially take my quirks as interesting. High mania is not a time to be making friends ---ever! I like you Dark Sign and miss the energy you brought to the asylum (board)
I\'ve noticed this for myself. This is true. I think I usually just being me say something horrifying just so they know what is in front of them and idiot with a hot mouth. No an intelligent person that sees through bullshit...just so ya know. I remember a former co-worker saying, \"Don\'t fuck with Jennay, you\'ll think all is cool, then she be waiting in the alley to poke ya.\" I am trying to be less severe in my reaction to things. All things that upset me and not take it on as a mission to correct.
God has dealt with me a lot on this in the last year...letting things go and focusing on the big picture. He\'ll say, \"your not of this world, why be so bothered by their actions. This does not concern you\". So I guess I\'m saying I say the wierdest shit to people all the time. Outa no where. It comes from, I think for me, isolation from people, or the general public for a while.