I am more cautious in my approach to what I call 'email snits'. First, my qualifications; I have been 'online' since I first used ARPAnet in 1979; so, I have experience on my side.
I like to keep it friendly by two things.
One, I do not send religious material to those who have expressed disdain for it, nor do I defend previous postings to someone who raves or flames off on us. I remember that, like them, I am prone to bursts of inexplicable anger. Hyperarousal is a symptom of many of our shared disorders.
We may be a bit Hypervigilant as well, defending someone else or we may feel threatened because someone triggers us emotionally. We want to deny, in ourselves, the very way in which our assailant has warped us toward doing violence (or, as we see it, self defense). Being deffensive is one of our symptoms.
Two, I don't respond to people that rip me up in a email. I also do not post a response below one that is 'off-topic' in my opinion. This presents all of us a tremendous amount of reading ... and discussion of the discussion itself is relatively unproductive. "He said, she said, but I said".
It is our goal to heal ourselves of these ills. When the illness creates a pressure and we push each other, this leads to the turnover of total residents in this community. It leads to avoidance, another of our symptoms. Our friends and no-so-friends will stop healing or interacting, we will forget them, they will fade away like a suicide post, down the lists, off the radar, hidden.
I regret that.
It hurts me to see us hurt each other. Like a big family, we fistfight as we grow up. In a decent household, parents step in and stop the hostilities with cooling off, behavior modification, time-outs. We cannot expect there to be 'dream police' here. We are the parent, the child, the sibling, the victim and, the abuser. We need to learn to become that, inside us where it matters, where we can tap into the strength and say, "hey, I know where your coming from, but I can't go there with you today" "see ya around, dude".
Love them to death. Send them a hug, delete the email, look outside, whatever the weather, the Lord has made this day - enjoy it.
With Love,
DarkSign - "The Spider That Talks Too Much"
I like to keep it friendly by two things.
One, I do not send religious material to those who have expressed disdain for it, nor do I defend previous postings to someone who raves or flames off on us. I remember that, like them, I am prone to bursts of inexplicable anger. Hyperarousal is a symptom of many of our shared disorders.
We may be a bit Hypervigilant as well, defending someone else or we may feel threatened because someone triggers us emotionally. We want to deny, in ourselves, the very way in which our assailant has warped us toward doing violence (or, as we see it, self defense). Being deffensive is one of our symptoms.
Two, I don't respond to people that rip me up in a email. I also do not post a response below one that is 'off-topic' in my opinion. This presents all of us a tremendous amount of reading ... and discussion of the discussion itself is relatively unproductive. "He said, she said, but I said".
It is our goal to heal ourselves of these ills. When the illness creates a pressure and we push each other, this leads to the turnover of total residents in this community. It leads to avoidance, another of our symptoms. Our friends and no-so-friends will stop healing or interacting, we will forget them, they will fade away like a suicide post, down the lists, off the radar, hidden.
I regret that.
It hurts me to see us hurt each other. Like a big family, we fistfight as we grow up. In a decent household, parents step in and stop the hostilities with cooling off, behavior modification, time-outs. We cannot expect there to be 'dream police' here. We are the parent, the child, the sibling, the victim and, the abuser. We need to learn to become that, inside us where it matters, where we can tap into the strength and say, "hey, I know where your coming from, but I can't go there with you today" "see ya around, dude".
Love them to death. Send them a hug, delete the email, look outside, whatever the weather, the Lord has made this day - enjoy it.
With Love,
DarkSign - "The Spider That Talks Too Much"
Replies
did I do something wrong?
No sweetie, not you.
Many people ask me, \"Hey, old man, how do I respond to xxx, yyy, or zzz?\"
I\'m just trying to put my \'values\' out there. Like a general guide to being an E-Tribe.
I don\'t really get upset, even if the post or email is pretty filthy... I just remember that we all have wicked bad days ourselves.
I agree we should all respect each other, I don\'t like all the fighting either we never really know what the other person is going thru. Or has been thru, sometimes it can be a trigger to someone. I know myself I have alot of them. DarkSign I love readind your prayer\'s you know that. Keep on being you!
thanks for the reminder