I guess I'd like to write some stuff out maybe so I don't have to keep thinking about it. I'm sorry if you've read any of this before.
From as young as I can remember, every member of my nuclear family has abused me in some way.
My mother breastfed me until I was 7-8 years old. I also wore a diaper until about the same age, which is really humiliating at school when you're eight. When she fed me, she'd insist I was naked except for my diaper. She would put her hand down the back and stick her finger with it's long pink nail, up my ass. If I tried to wriggle off, or stopped sucking, she'd push me face down over the arm of the sofa and claw my back with her nails until I felt trickles of blood running down.
She hated me. She hit me more days than she didn't; some days with her hand, sometimes her fist, other times a belt, or a frying pan, or whatever was to hand. That was usually followed up by me being sent to my room, and her sticking her finger in my ass again for a long time while I just lay there. Until I was around 7 I slept in a cot. I didn't like anyone taking the sides down. There was the brown couch she would sit and feed me on, but other than that, I wasn't allowed anything in my room. There was a lock on the outside of the door, and when nobody 'wanted me' for anything, they locked me inside.
Sometimes I think they forgot about me, because I'd see the sun rise and it would get dark before my mother came in to feed me. I was very confused when I first went to school and was confronted with lots of different foods that I hadn't tried (I was 4 when I started school; my mother still breastfed me, and occasionally I would eat baby food, but everything else was alien). I didn't know it was weird then, I was just confused and thought everyone else was weird eating all this stuff. I still didn't speak then either. I didn't really understand anything. I wasn't stupid; I could sign but none of the other kids at school did and it was so loud and overwhelming. At home in my room it was quiet, often dark and I was usually alone. I was completely shellshocked when I first went to school.
From as young as I can remember, every member of my nuclear family has abused me in some way.
My mother breastfed me until I was 7-8 years old. I also wore a diaper until about the same age, which is really humiliating at school when you're eight. When she fed me, she'd insist I was naked except for my diaper. She would put her hand down the back and stick her finger with it's long pink nail, up my ass. If I tried to wriggle off, or stopped sucking, she'd push me face down over the arm of the sofa and claw my back with her nails until I felt trickles of blood running down.
She hated me. She hit me more days than she didn't; some days with her hand, sometimes her fist, other times a belt, or a frying pan, or whatever was to hand. That was usually followed up by me being sent to my room, and her sticking her finger in my ass again for a long time while I just lay there. Until I was around 7 I slept in a cot. I didn't like anyone taking the sides down. There was the brown couch she would sit and feed me on, but other than that, I wasn't allowed anything in my room. There was a lock on the outside of the door, and when nobody 'wanted me' for anything, they locked me inside.
Sometimes I think they forgot about me, because I'd see the sun rise and it would get dark before my mother came in to feed me. I was very confused when I first went to school and was confronted with lots of different foods that I hadn't tried (I was 4 when I started school; my mother still breastfed me, and occasionally I would eat baby food, but everything else was alien). I didn't know it was weird then, I was just confused and thought everyone else was weird eating all this stuff. I still didn't speak then either. I didn't really understand anything. I wasn't stupid; I could sign but none of the other kids at school did and it was so loud and overwhelming. At home in my room it was quiet, often dark and I was usually alone. I was completely shellshocked when I first went to school.
Replies
That is a disgusting and appalling way to treat a child.
I am sending you big hugs
It is criminal abuse, and I don\'t mean that as a figure of speech, but literally. I think that your delay in talking is almost certainly due to the deprivation of your environment. You should have been talked to, played with, taken on outings, read to, and encouraged to discover the world around you. I am very sorry you suffered so as such a little child. It\'s no wonder your father\'s \"loving\" attention meant so much to you.