Another day...
Not feeling particularly good or bad today. Pretty neutral but not good enough to even say OK. I'm starting to feel the pull to be alone. I'm not really sure what it means. Does it mean I'm systematically moving on from my relationship? Does it mean that I'm to a point now where I'm ready to admit that maybe continuing with the relationship isn't a good idea? I wish I had answers now, but it's just going to take time. I can feel at some points like I'm thinking clearly and I know the right thing to do is just end it, work on myself, and try and move on, but we have history, we have love. I know the love I feel is real, but is it healthy? Is it the purest love I have to offer?
The physical part is easy. She's a beautiful woman, there is no question. It's the emotional, and psychological part of it that is frustrating me. Am I hanging on so tight for fear of being alone? Or is this real love? Am I prepared to change for the better, forever? Or will I slip back into my old ways if we do get back together? I do feel like I want to change, and I do feel like I would like to know what a healthy relationship would be like with her. She's a great person, yes she is flawed, but I am as well. I guess time will tell at this point.
I have for sure reconciled with the idea of "moving on." Right now, I'm not in any fit state to start a new relationship with anyone. I'm not even close to be honest. It would take me months, maybe a year, to be mentally prepared to take on a role in a new relationship. Mentally the idea of meeting someone new, getting to know them, taking them out, and especially becoming intimate, is an idea that I'm just not at all excited about. The way I see it, if I'm going to be alone and use this time to work on myself anyway, I may as well be patient with her, let her work on herself, and if we get to a place where we want to reconcile and come back together, good. If not, what have I lost? I'm doing all this work on myself, for myself anyway, and I need to be committed to it and see it through.
The physical part is easy. She's a beautiful woman, there is no question. It's the emotional, and psychological part of it that is frustrating me. Am I hanging on so tight for fear of being alone? Or is this real love? Am I prepared to change for the better, forever? Or will I slip back into my old ways if we do get back together? I do feel like I want to change, and I do feel like I would like to know what a healthy relationship would be like with her. She's a great person, yes she is flawed, but I am as well. I guess time will tell at this point.
I have for sure reconciled with the idea of "moving on." Right now, I'm not in any fit state to start a new relationship with anyone. I'm not even close to be honest. It would take me months, maybe a year, to be mentally prepared to take on a role in a new relationship. Mentally the idea of meeting someone new, getting to know them, taking them out, and especially becoming intimate, is an idea that I'm just not at all excited about. The way I see it, if I'm going to be alone and use this time to work on myself anyway, I may as well be patient with her, let her work on herself, and if we get to a place where we want to reconcile and come back together, good. If not, what have I lost? I'm doing all this work on myself, for myself anyway, and I need to be committed to it and see it through.
Replies