crying, ?
I cry every single day about something. I woke up, went to my husband, an cried cause I had a bad dream. I always compliment him for being there for me there goes my highly sensitive part of me. My husband dosnt get that part of me
I still want my nosed pierced. I have been thinking about it for. Weeks. Its part of my body modification problem. Just like the cutting I used to do, its like a rush comes all over me when I think about it, I get excited. I want to ask my sis to go with me. I dont even know wear to go. She probably does. She even has her own tattoo artist. Guess! I dont even have a hair stylist. I need a hair trim too. I want to be pampered. I would love a measage. Yes! All over, even my feet!
So sad Christmas is over, boo, hoo! I am such, am idiot. I am never gonna get myself.. I rally want to stop crying. I want that manic high all the time. Not the downers. I love.it when I life like crazy. I love the rush inside me., like I used to feel. I remember when I peirced my own nose. That was a great rush! It was scary. But I did it, even with a sewing needle. I just wanted both sides done. My husband hates it.I just love that rush! Like just before when I used to cut. Its like when I was adicted to drugs. The pain meds did the same feeling. But drugs are bad. Cutting is bad. Then why do I want that addicted feeling. When I was in my early thirties, I used to get that feeling from working out, I would get it from shopping. And when I was a teen, it would come from sex, with men. Now, I want that feeling back. Lord help me! I keep asking God for help. I always over do, like going over board on things
I ask God to give me strength to get over this! Why is it in me? Anyone? Why? Jesus help me!
I still want my nosed pierced. I have been thinking about it for. Weeks. Its part of my body modification problem. Just like the cutting I used to do, its like a rush comes all over me when I think about it, I get excited. I want to ask my sis to go with me. I dont even know wear to go. She probably does. She even has her own tattoo artist. Guess! I dont even have a hair stylist. I need a hair trim too. I want to be pampered. I would love a measage. Yes! All over, even my feet!
So sad Christmas is over, boo, hoo! I am such, am idiot. I am never gonna get myself.. I rally want to stop crying. I want that manic high all the time. Not the downers. I love.it when I life like crazy. I love the rush inside me., like I used to feel. I remember when I peirced my own nose. That was a great rush! It was scary. But I did it, even with a sewing needle. I just wanted both sides done. My husband hates it.I just love that rush! Like just before when I used to cut. Its like when I was adicted to drugs. The pain meds did the same feeling. But drugs are bad. Cutting is bad. Then why do I want that addicted feeling. When I was in my early thirties, I used to get that feeling from working out, I would get it from shopping. And when I was a teen, it would come from sex, with men. Now, I want that feeling back. Lord help me! I keep asking God for help. I always over do, like going over board on things
I ask God to give me strength to get over this! Why is it in me? Anyone? Why? Jesus help me!
Replies
Hey Angie! You are not a idiot and you shouldn\'t think that way. You are a wonderful person who has been to hell and back. I understand the tears and the nightmares. I feel weird about showing my sensitive side too. I hate the highs and lows of Bipolar. I wish I felt as good as I do when I am euphoric and excited and loving life but more days than not I am stuck inside my own prison crying or fighting or feeling terrified. I know we always want to change ourselves. One addiction replaces another on and on but just try to make your new addiction something healthy that feels good about yourself. You said that exercise gave you that rush? I would try that. Are you sure you want the nose ring or are you wanting to hurt yourself because of everything that is going on now? You have huge life changes going on with your boys leaving and going to college. Changes are so hard to emotionally deal with. I hope I am able to help. Big hugs.
Are you on any medicine for depression and Bipolar? It could help with the mood swings and the crying. I just want you to feel better.
*hugs* I would think longer about the nose ring. You can\'t hide it. I have 2 tattoos on my back that I can cover easily. I\'m thinking about getting a new tattoo but I\'m going to wait a while to make sure it\'s what I really want. *hugs* I know all about the rush from cutting.. it\'s a very hard habit to break. I\'m here for you!