52 years old now

I turned 52 on Sunday, and the only "birthday" present that I got was a check from my mother. One of my 2 daughters called to wish me a happy birthday.  I guess that I had it coming (or not coming, depending on your point of view) because I've been bad at the whole "birthday" thing for years now. I just haven't had the money. I've been unhappy for decades. I'm 52 and still don't know what "it" is, but "it" has been missing from my life. I was unhappy as a child, and things just haven't gotten better. The happiest year of my life was spent with my ex-boyfriend, but that was just an illusion. The only time that I've ever felt "loved" during my entire life.  The answer isn't in another person, but inside me. It is as if there is something broken inside, and I cannot seem to find answers. I've had 14 years of therapy, and it has helped abit, but I just can't find a reason. I need a reason. I'm too young to retire, but too old to be looked at as young. I wasted my youth I never figured out what I wanted to be when I grow up.