Anxiety

I decided about a week ago to go back to the regular dose of citalopram 40 mg.  I stopped taking it completely at the beginning of January and totally freaked out, left law school, and signed up to take classes for a master's in instructional design.  After the freak out, Dr. Graham suggested taking 20 mg. so I did and felt slightly better, but still mixed up about everything.  I've been seeing John since May and every time we go out I have a good time, but the anxiety hits me later.  I can tell from what he says that he would like this to be more than just dating and that scares the shit out of me.  He is kind, funny, and I notice that when he interacts with people from family to cashiers in stores, they smile and laugh.  This is a good thing.  He likes the same things I like (geek stuff, comic books, MST3K, RiffTrax, etc.) He also went to New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina the help with the relief effort.  This is a good person.  He thinks I'm really attractive.  Why am I so freaked out?  To be fair, I can freak out about anything at the moment.  Steviey has been making hacking sounds since last night and I can't stop thinking that he has heartworm and is going to die.  Or I notice that my car needs gas and the thought of having to stop and fill it up freaks me out.  This is awful.  I hope the citalopram kicks in soon.  When it does, I feel a little more like I can handle things and then when I wake up in the morning and it has worn off a little, I feel like there is disaster lurking everywhere.  Why don't I just feel totally positive about John?  Why do I feel this worry feeling and want to run away?  I  keep thinking about stupid Dave and how I felt all crushy and think that that's how I'm supposed to feel.  But that was crushy and crushy isn't always accurate.  I'll be 50 this year and I deserve someone who is kind and will treat me well.  Why is this freaking me out?