51 days today

Today is one of those days I wish my granddaddy was here so I could go visit him and run up to him and sit in his lap and rap my arms around his neck and kiss his cheek a million times and tell him how much I love him. It's been 51 days today and it honestly feels like is has been years and years since he left. I am 20 years old and to this day I still wish my granddaddy was here so I could go stay the night with him a crawl up in bed with him and sleep with my arms squeezed around him. I did that up until I was 17 years old and then I thought I was way to big but now I wish I could go back and curl up to him and keep squeezing and never let go. This year so far has given me so many blessing and also a lot of hurt but all I can do is take the good with the bad and move on with life. It doesn't seem like life should move on after you loose someone you love more than anything in this world but in reality life does go on and you must make the best of it. I sit here and as I write this I am smiling and tearing up because for 20 years god truly blessed me with the most amazing and loving man I will ever know. My granddaddy loved me for all my faults and all the things I did correct. It's just one of those days where I really could pick up the phone and call him just to hear him say there's my Heather Doo and he would always say your granddaddy's baby and my #! and he always said when are you gonna come see granddaddy and it never failed he always said granddaddy loves you. I would give anything if I could get one more phone call and here him say all of that. I would give anything if he could be here to see how happy I am and see how amazing my husband is and how happy he makes me. In reality I know that my granddaddy isn't coming back and I won't get that phone call and I won't get to go visit and run up to him and sit in his lap and kiss his cheek a million times and tell him how much I love him. I can only say out loud everyday a million times a day granddaddy I love you and I miss you so much. I hope he knows what an impact he had on my life and how much I love and cared for him. Words can't describe how I feel about my granddaddy it was a bond that nobody will ever understand even if they tried. Granddaddy and I had a special communication and nobody could ever understand how much we meant to each other even if they tried. Granddaddy I love you and miss you so much and I hope you know that you will always have your Heather Doo and I hope you know how truly amazing you were. I love you and I really wish you could have been here to meet Blake he is truly amazing and you would be so proud. I love you and miss you watch over me and blake and protect us!! I love you