:(
Got up soaked up some coffee. Got my bike out and rode to church. I spent time with peoplple all day yesterday.I am doing the things I need to do. If the expression on my face seems pained ,believe it I am not just caught in deep thought. My heart is so heavy and I am crying so hard within, although no tears fall. That is worst because I have no relief. All the pain is stuck.I am sure that people do care but I cannot see it, nor can I feel it. Yesterday morning got up and let the dog out , when I came back she was gone and my heart fell.I need her more than she needs me. I took a walk around the block and there she was doing the same.i thank God everyday for her. So I keep thinking, these are not the thoughts of a man in mid life but a shut in old person who is sad and alone and nowhere to go and feels like there is noting left. I do not want to be that. I pray for sterngth and guidance everyday and I just feel lost and hopeless,I get out and do things with people but I am still by myself even if I engage. So I just push on for now.I really dont want to find the positive but I still push because it can happen again.I cannot express how broken I feel and how much pain I feel, even when I am not running negative thoughts and images through my head. The pain is so base that it feels like without it there is nothing left.Believe me I know how heavy this sounds , I am with me 24/7.
Replies
Eric, I\'m so sorry that your heart is so heavy, truly. I wish I could make it all go away. I\'m here for you if you want to talk. And I\'m so glad you found your dog, I know she means a lot to you.
Hug for you. When I was really depressed, I had the \"oh, god, I am old\" feelings as well. Recently, I got over it. On a positive note, it is pretty impressive that you got up, rode your bike, and went somewhere when you were depressed. Glad you found your dog. When my cat died, it was what sent me over the edge. It did cause me to finally go to therapy, so that cat saved my life. Hang in there buddy!