Today
At this moment in time, I am sitting in my quiet home at my computer, drinking wonderful coffee and relaxing...
Work went very well for me this week... My client had a bit of a fall, but it was not bad whatsoever... It still scared me a little... She's okay...
Spending 48 hours in a row in someone's home is different... It is a place full of spirit, though, and I feel this amazing energy which gives me chills from my head to my fingertips... She is truly a gifted woman...
The plans for the fundraiser are going well... It has become far, far bigger than I expected and, being the coordinator, it is a bit intimidating... This is not a little coffee can outside of a grocery store...
Of course, I have the fears no one will come, we will not raise very much money, the weather will be bad, I will do something ridiculous and ruin it... Of course those thoughts are there... I cannot believe it will be in a month... I have everything down on paper, but now the footwork is going to begin, public events, publicity, etc...
The Fire Chief is going to do the publicity, but I will be helping at the public events to spread the word about the event and, perhaps, garner a few donations... I scheduled three public events this month...
Basically, the Fire Chief has put everything in my hands and, when I need him, I just let him know... He is extremely busy so he put me in the lead...
Bottom line, I feel intimidated, anxious, and eager all in one... I have an amount in mind I hope we raise, but I'm not telling anyone... It's between the spirit energies and me... I fear I am shooting too high and being unrealistic, but I have to believe anything is possible...
I'm still asking people I know for donations and that feels weird... Once we move into the public domain, it will be easier... For some reason it won't feel as personal...
I know I am doing a good thing, I know I can do this, I know it...
There has been so much defeat in my life over the recent years, though, it is hard to hold on to the thoughts I used to really be somebody once... It hurts to remember how successful I was... It is almost as if I grieve that part of me...
If someone who knew me then saw me now, they would never recognize me... It hurts to feel that in my heart...
All I know right now... I hope with all of my heart this fundraiser goes well... I have to remember it is not all about me, but about the people I am helping... Stay focused and ride with the emotional waves... Stay organized and on top of dates and times and needs... Communicate with the Fire Chief at every turn... Keep pressing and know when it is time to just relax and watch a movie...
It'll be okay... Somehow, someway...
Work went very well for me this week... My client had a bit of a fall, but it was not bad whatsoever... It still scared me a little... She's okay...
Spending 48 hours in a row in someone's home is different... It is a place full of spirit, though, and I feel this amazing energy which gives me chills from my head to my fingertips... She is truly a gifted woman...
The plans for the fundraiser are going well... It has become far, far bigger than I expected and, being the coordinator, it is a bit intimidating... This is not a little coffee can outside of a grocery store...
Of course, I have the fears no one will come, we will not raise very much money, the weather will be bad, I will do something ridiculous and ruin it... Of course those thoughts are there... I cannot believe it will be in a month... I have everything down on paper, but now the footwork is going to begin, public events, publicity, etc...
The Fire Chief is going to do the publicity, but I will be helping at the public events to spread the word about the event and, perhaps, garner a few donations... I scheduled three public events this month...
Basically, the Fire Chief has put everything in my hands and, when I need him, I just let him know... He is extremely busy so he put me in the lead...
Bottom line, I feel intimidated, anxious, and eager all in one... I have an amount in mind I hope we raise, but I'm not telling anyone... It's between the spirit energies and me... I fear I am shooting too high and being unrealistic, but I have to believe anything is possible...
I'm still asking people I know for donations and that feels weird... Once we move into the public domain, it will be easier... For some reason it won't feel as personal...
I know I am doing a good thing, I know I can do this, I know it...
There has been so much defeat in my life over the recent years, though, it is hard to hold on to the thoughts I used to really be somebody once... It hurts to remember how successful I was... It is almost as if I grieve that part of me...
If someone who knew me then saw me now, they would never recognize me... It hurts to feel that in my heart...
All I know right now... I hope with all of my heart this fundraiser goes well... I have to remember it is not all about me, but about the people I am helping... Stay focused and ride with the emotional waves... Stay organized and on top of dates and times and needs... Communicate with the Fire Chief at every turn... Keep pressing and know when it is time to just relax and watch a movie...
It'll be okay... Somehow, someway...
Replies
I receive an email each day from the Henri Nouwen society. Nouwen was a devout Catholic who suffered serious depression. His daily musings are fabulous. Today he spoke of \"secrets\". He said that keeping \"secrets\", those things that make us think \"If they knew what I think and feel, who I really am, no one would love me\" are dangerous to self. Self esteem, depression, even self hatred and thoughts of suicide.....we all are the same in more ways than not. You\'re sharing your \"secrets\" and we love you anyway. Why? because we have the same feelings. Knowing that what you feel is simply HUMAN, well, that means a great deal. Fear nothing. Just do the best you can.
One thing I can embrace today is my humanity... All areas are across the board... There is no perfect person... For me to be so would be completely exhausting... I am grateful to share on this journal... It gives me an opportunity to express my thoughts on paper which is a relief for me, lest I bottle them up... I thank you for your friendship, my friend... It is a priceless treasure...