WTF

I was spotting yesterday, spotting today. Extremely emotional. Today I am late but I usually spot before my period, but its also usually a day early. Afraid to get a pregnancy test because I don't want to see another negative -. I am going to wait for tomorrow or the next day because its like murphy's law that there will be a pregnant or mom with a new baby in line in front of me when I buy the test. Then I cry all the way home listening to sad music on the radio and try to pull it together by the time I get home for my husband and daughter. I hate it when I get my period because it reminds me of when I had my miscarriages (especially waiting for my last one) and I am ocd about running to the bathroom all the time and wiping to see if the spotting has gone to light brown, or pink or if it's getting heavier or wtf? Its been faint light brown since yesterday. I can barely see it. Trying to pull it together enough to go to work today, yesterday I stayed home.