5 Years to Live.... ?

my cousin that is probably 53 at the most was diaged w/ cancer. a very rare and difficult to treat cancer. The minimum of lifespan given is 5 years. of course he's already had his 3rd surgery and started a chemo treatment... blahblahblah. 

he said that he is not afraid to die. In fact, he's been very OK w/ the whole thing while the rest of the family is wigging out. 

As far as I know, he hasn't been given a prognosis, but HIS words were 5 years and i read on the "net" the exact same thing.... 

I ask myself... What if I had only 5 more years to live? I am 57.... I would be 62.... what would i actually do with those five years.....

and you know, i am not even guaranteed that.... cancer or no cancer. 

I have been thinking... and i think some things would really change for me... 

I think I would.....:

stop being jealous of other ppl....

start being kinder to others

be more patient...

enjoy little things like my patio, the mtns, playing music, my home (i already to... but i would appreciate it more) my friends, i would take on a few responsibilities like w/ TOPS or maybe... MAYBE Alanon....

i would not worry about money

i would not worry about my hair looking perfect

i would take a photography class at the community college and learn how to do black and white photos and enter them in the County Fair 

i would take a quilting or sewing class

i would invite ppl to my home more

i would star a vlog / blog about my journey

i would spend time in the mountains 

i would get along w/ my mom

i would give away crap that i do not use any more  / stuffed up in my closet.... 

i would read children's books

i would cook a lot bc i love doing that

i would sew baby blankets even though i'm not expecting grandchildren

p.s.... our daughter's baby was due in Jan and she miscarried this weekend. we were not surprised. but we were saddened.

I would pray more

I would give more forgiveness to others.... 

BUT MOST OF ALL.... and this is true... I think if i were told i had 5 more years to live .... in many ways i would be relieved. I think i would sigh a great big breath of relief that i do not have to "do" this much longer.... 

not that it's terrible... but there are just so many losses since RA/CFS happened... and so so so many dreams lost. sometimes i feel like an 80 year old lady.... with nothing but Bingo games in front of them.... on thursdays in the nursing home. 

I really do think I would feel relieved to a degree.... and then

I WOULD GET BUSY LIVING... so, i think i will just do that. I will live like I have 5 more years.... and go ahead and see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Namaste

G