5 years of Sutent

Five years ago this month Steve started Sutent. He did not want to go on it. He was scared and the family was so anxious.  He felt really good and was doing great he thought. The scans told a different story. We had been to Jackson MI several  times but the cancer had spread to his pancreas, lungs and the remaining kidney.  The doctors in Charlotte did not want him to have anymore cryoblation.  The doctor in MI told him a biopsy would be dangerous to the pancreas.  So after lots of prayer with the family he started the Sutent. The side effects sounded really bad and and they were bad at first.  It was around Thanksgiving and we worried if it would be his last.   All of us hovered over him that day and of course he had no taste for food. And the cycle began,  4 weeks on 2 weeks off. I began a jounal of each day.  How he felt, what he felt and if he was eating.  I recorded every thing.
 I continue to journal, he continues to fight and we are so thankful and greatful to our Lord for bringing him this far. It has been and continues to be hard. Some days are really hard on the mind and spirit. Today is my day to be down. I pray when he gets up it will NOT be his day to feel this way.  I try to stay up and encouraging but today I am fighting depression. He has aches and pains that scare me.  I struggle with will I be able to care for him?  He tells me I worry about everything and i guess I do.
I cling to the old hymn that says "God will take care of you" and I know he will. I am a sinner for letting my thoughts think otherwise.  I guess I need my friends to tell me that it will be ok.
Lord above, I hate cancer and the way it makes us feel. The way it tries to destroy s,  the way it makes us doubt ourselves and our faith. Please God,  help us all!
Love, Wanda     

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wanda...you certainly have been put to the test over these fives years. And I think your faith has certianly had an impact on it. They say God doesn\'t give us anymore than we can handle...and you are allowed a bad day that is for sure. So many on here that have lost a spouse or have a spouse fighting cancer HATE it and what it does to families and the pain that it causes. We can only hope with all the technology available out there that something will soon be found to save others from the heartache and pain..Your Steve is a strong man and you a strong woman...Hugs, Ellen
LSMS
LSMS

Dearest Wanda, No one can ever know what God\'s plan is. All we know for sure is that each of us has been blessed with our precious lives. I know that fear can overwhelm us. We can lose sight of our great blessings when we worry so much about what we might lose. I understand this very well. I lived this way for too long. Now, I understand that we should just embrace the life we have, and instead of letting fear take away any bit of our happiness, trust that life will provide. My thoughts and prayers are with you my friend. Love, Linda
meriel
meriel

Dearest Wanda - down days are to be expected. I know exactly what you mean about it being bad news when you have a down day at the same time as Steve - same thing happens to us, sometimes, and it just makes everything seem so much harder, and all the more difficult to pull yourself out of it. Oh my dear I wish I could come over to your house and give you a big hug, and get one back, and just spend time. One day...
Those aches and pains....are only magnified by fear. D has had all kinds of weird niggles - but they just don\'t show up on the CT! Praying for peace and comfort for you today Wanda, and I know that things will seem brighter tomorrow. They will. all these years are such a long time to be dealing with this - sometimes I feel like collapsing after just 2 and 1/2.
Love and blessings, (and so sorry for making you worry by not answering your message)
Meriel x x x x
perplexed46
perplexed46

Dear sweet Wanda, May our Lord give you comfort & hope! I can\'t imagine how scary it must be to have a spouse with cancer. God can take it when we get down & maybe are angry with him. I wish we lived closer, so I could give you a hug. Our daughter is having surgery for scoliosis on Dec.21st in Charlotte at the medical center, is that where Steve goes? She is 40 & had her 1st surgery when she was 12.

Love & prayers & I hope Saturday is a good day for you both,
Lois
deleted_user
deleted_user

Dear Wanda,

i know exactly how you feel, deression and this disease seem to go hand and hand with some of us, and i have let my depression take me over at times.. It happens to the best of us caregivers when we let fear take us.. It\'s very hard not to be so fearful at times, and Wanda it will be ok, you are no different than the rest of us we have all had our share of depression please never feel you are alone.. The best thing you could do you have done, you reach out to us and let us know you were hurting, you will be ok, we are here to help you and tell it will be alright, your scared now.. I will give you a hint what i need to do when this happens to me, run yourself a hot bath, lite candles if you feel it will help and peacefully talk to God as if he was sitting on the toilet seat next to you.. However way it\'s comfortable for you weather it\'s praying togeather or a conversation.. I do the conversation when Tim is a sleep at night.. From the warmth of the bath your muscle will relax and your mind will become calm.. I can bet after that you will feel alot better when you are snug in your PJ\'s after.. Where i suffer from depression and when i am fearfil about Tim, i have had to search out different ways to help me.. I hope you try this and it works for you too..

My love & prayers are with you tonight..
Good night dear friend,
Love,
Becca
kkzimm
kkzimm

Wanda, understand the sadness and fear. Know that your faith is strong, that you have that to hold on to. Hugs,
Karen
GlorS
GlorS

Hi Wanda,
I hope that by now your spirits have been lifted and Steve and you are back on a hopeful, positive track once again. It is hard for me to believe that his cancer was in his pancreas, and other kidney in addition to the more common lung mets. FIVE years - you must be doing something right and the Lord is keeping you keeping on. Tom\'s cancer must have been far more aggressive as it flew from lungs to bone and then took him down. I wish that he had been able to get on a med that would have given him more life, more time. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. My prayers are with you tonight. God Bless.
Gloria