5 years of Sutent

Five years ago this month Steve started Sutent. He did not want to go on it. He was scared and the family was so anxious.  He felt really good and was doing great he thought. The scans told a different story. We had been to Jackson MI several  times but the cancer had spread to his pancreas, lungs and the remaining kidney.  The doctors in Charlotte did not want him to have anymore cryoblation.  The doctor in MI told him a biopsy would be dangerous to the pancreas.  So after lots of prayer with the family he started the Sutent. The side effects sounded really bad and and they were bad at first.  It was around Thanksgiving and we worried if it would be his last.   All of us hovered over him that day and of course he had no taste for food. And the cycle began,  4 weeks on 2 weeks off. I began a jounal of each day.  How he felt, what he felt and if he was eating.  I recorded every thing.
 I continue to journal, he continues to fight and we are so thankful and greatful to our Lord for bringing him this far. It has been and continues to be hard. Some days are really hard on the mind and spirit. Today is my day to be down. I pray when he gets up it will NOT be his day to feel this way.  I try to stay up and encouraging but today I am fighting depression. He has aches and pains that scare me.  I struggle with will I be able to care for him?  He tells me I worry about everything and i guess I do.
I cling to the old hymn that says "God will take care of you" and I know he will. I am a sinner for letting my thoughts think otherwise.  I guess I need my friends to tell me that it will be ok.
Lord above, I hate cancer and the way it makes us feel. The way it tries to destroy s,  the way it makes us doubt ourselves and our faith. Please God,  help us all!
Love, Wanda