5 months today

John, Hi, sweetheart, it is 5 months today that you are gone.  Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and miss you my love.  Gina and Hal are leaving for Disney tomorrow our favorite spot how I wish we were going with them.  Work is fine misd. week is gonna be horrible that is in September.  Maybe I will head out to Disney on my own what you think?  The kids are watching me like a hawk, LOL.  Thinking about buying my Red Bug, Chad called and said Mom you need to save your money you don't need a car right now.  Didn't we tell them that not that long ago and now he is seeing what it is like to pay bills.  Everyone says to wait  6 months to a year before I do anything, does that mean you might come back?  I can only wish.  Things will be no different 6 months a year or two from now.  I will stay wake up in the morning, put my smile on my face, get dressed and go to work and come home alone same oh same oh.  Put my picture on dating sites and boy was that the wrong thing to do.  Now I am being flooded with emails and deleting them.  I know I don't want to spend my life alone that is a given.  But if the Spark is not there why bother.  Yes that is one thing about me that hasn't changed.  I will not waste my time or anybody else's I have learned that we aren't promised tomorrow so why give someone false hope.  I know you have to get to know someone, but I remember what it was like when we met and the fireworks I still believe that somewhere someone will capture my Heart like you did all those years ago.  And therefore I will wait a lifetime if that is how long it takes.  I  say I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone so I will leave it in God's hands.  He knew what he was doing when he sent me you and I will put my Trust and Faith in him until I die.  Looking forward to tomorrow because that brings me one day closer to you. Learning to Love the Reflection in the Mirror.  All my love. Dra'