5 months on my Treatment plan

I knew something was wrong all these years. I think the only reason I functioned in my early 20s w/o being diagnosed is the healthy eating, working out, no social life and busy working all the time and a very precise routine. There was not much to effect me in my little bubble while I was living in AZ. Once I met my now husband, and began making friends and a new job brought co-workers that were like family all of the sudden things got harder mentally. My doctor at the time gave me zoloft and a anxiety diagnosis. I was even worse and was a emotional wreck. It even made me fight with my husband after our wedding and I just kept feeling like a train wreck, soon after We planned a pregnancy and our second child was along the way. The post partum depression hit after and I was put on zoloft again and I was feeling so bad emotionally and everything felt 100x worse. It made our first few years of marriage and the beginning of raising baby #2 really hard. 2 years before I was diagnosed I spent a whole year just empty and broken down emotionally and depressed like I have never felt before. I went to therapy. I would have sever dissociation and be walking my dog and come back to the wrong apartment. I had sensory issues and crying spells. The year after that was similar but, a litte lighter and I went through almost the whole year having grandiose delusions. 2020 I spent thinking believing we were in the end times and having hallucinations of how the world was going to end and moments with God, Angels and Jesus himself. I read the whole Bible and studied it. I even left letters behind for when we got raptured. I made emotional phone calls to family about it and wrote messages. I watched crazy youtube videos with people believing the same thing. My dear sweet husband did not call me crazy and lovingly went along with it all as a way to support me. He did not add to it or anything but, listened and did not make me feel like I was crazy. Then It got worse at the end of 2020 and on Winter Solsitice I believed I had a awakening and left christianity and started doing spiritual witchy stuff and continued into a new them of grandiose delusions. In april something clicked that something is wrong with my mental health. I felt so sick, tired, weak, frail, and broken. I felt so helpless at that time because we can't afford insurance for me. I finally found a doctor online through Brightside  that we could afford( as well as affordable meds at $15 per perscription) and she diagnosed me with Bipolar.  She was so sweet and supportive. She told me medications in the past did not work for me because they were not for bipolar and I had the wrong diagnosis till now. That everything is going to be okay because we can put me on the proper medications. She put me on Bupropion and Lamotrigine. Every appointment she claps and tells me I am doing such a good job sticking to my treatment plan, that she is so proud of me and what a great patient I am. She has been so assuring that I will feel better and have the best life ever. 

5 months later it is the complete opposite from what I wrote in the last paragraph. I am in reality. I apologized to everyone in my family and explained to them what was happening with my mental health. I have energy again!! I can function and even workout and still be okay energy wise. My sleep is much better. My skin and hair is more vibrant and I don't look so pale and sick. I can think clearly and process better which means I am way better at video games now. I remember things now. Like this week I was given directions and a suite number for my husbands appointment and I remembered it all by heart to tell him the next day when I dropped him off. I even remembered directions better on how to get to and back from places.  I am happy. I get to enjoy being a mom and wife. I am able to do activities for fall and have fun with the family like making caramel, creating fall playlist and planning fall outings. I started spin biking at home and I feel great after and it does not drain my energy like before leaving me bed ridden. I can keep up with the house and keep it clean ( I just have not figured out a way how to get laundry into that routine lol). It has been a slow recovery but a good one. I am happy I got diagnosed so I can do treatment and try everything reccomended to feel better. Each week I am feeling better and better and it is improvents as I am moving forward. It was hard at first trying different doses of bupropion then once that was adjusted adjusting my mood stabalizer for the right dose. I know that finding the right dose and medicine can take a year to even two years and at times even longer. Now that we have found that I can finally enjoy the consistency of the right dose and get to feel the improvements week to week without a halt. I am so happy I was diagnosed and put on a treatment plan. I am so thankful I found this community being able to talk to others who are dealing with the same mental illness as me this community is supportive and encouraging.