5 months later...
Its been a rough day, seeing the pictures of his new love in the dress, and hes excited. He was on the verge of vomiting when I went shopping. I dont know why I stayed then. It was so much easier to ignore everything. I'm just surprised they are dress shopping since they have been engaged less then a week. I guess it dosnt matter. Its not me. But I cant help but keep dwelling.
I decided to go back and read my original postings from 08. I cant believe how sad I was. I guess I got used to it. as much as I wish we could have worked it out, he is too selfish. Thats not me. I mean I took an old lady who fell in the parking lot and broke her arm to the hospital and waited for 3 hours and missed my friends bday party. I chased a kitten down the side of the highway after it was hit to take it to the vet. He would tell me stories about how he hit a kitten and would laugh. Why did I stay so long?
I wish I could forget. But I cant and shouldnt as I will never EVER allow anyone like that into my life again.
Today I actually managed to clean. This place makes me feel better when its clean.I also went for a walk around the big as park next door. 4km!!!
I need to keep focusing on my future. I go to Hong Kong in 5 months. In 1 year I will be looking at a condo. I do need to get out of debt, so I have applied for some PT jobs where no one at work will see me. I cant be the head of HR and work a PT job some where.Well I can but it looks bad. Everyone at work knows I went through a bad break up. They'd understand, but I'd loose face.
I feel bad because i told him i was going to take him to court. And I cancled the registration on the vehicle, but he told me it was taken care of. After hearing about the engagement, I said forget it. and took it off. Hes never going to pay me back. as much as I had hope he would, it was like having hope in our dying relationship. Now that I think about it, I dont think it was dying. It was just never there. I feel bad because the way I did it. I think I have every right to be upset. But I dont want him hating me. I dont know why. I just dont.
I hope I can find peace one day.
I decided to go back and read my original postings from 08. I cant believe how sad I was. I guess I got used to it. as much as I wish we could have worked it out, he is too selfish. Thats not me. I mean I took an old lady who fell in the parking lot and broke her arm to the hospital and waited for 3 hours and missed my friends bday party. I chased a kitten down the side of the highway after it was hit to take it to the vet. He would tell me stories about how he hit a kitten and would laugh. Why did I stay so long?
I wish I could forget. But I cant and shouldnt as I will never EVER allow anyone like that into my life again.
Today I actually managed to clean. This place makes me feel better when its clean.I also went for a walk around the big as park next door. 4km!!!
I need to keep focusing on my future. I go to Hong Kong in 5 months. In 1 year I will be looking at a condo. I do need to get out of debt, so I have applied for some PT jobs where no one at work will see me. I cant be the head of HR and work a PT job some where.Well I can but it looks bad. Everyone at work knows I went through a bad break up. They'd understand, but I'd loose face.
I feel bad because i told him i was going to take him to court. And I cancled the registration on the vehicle, but he told me it was taken care of. After hearing about the engagement, I said forget it. and took it off. Hes never going to pay me back. as much as I had hope he would, it was like having hope in our dying relationship. Now that I think about it, I dont think it was dying. It was just never there. I feel bad because the way I did it. I think I have every right to be upset. But I dont want him hating me. I dont know why. I just dont.
I hope I can find peace one day.
Replies
Hi I'm sorry about this loss and all the changes that it has brought in your life; the emotional upheaval must be enormous. Know that you have people who love you. You must be a bright woman to be head of HR--and truly, you do what you need to do financially...we are all human beings just doing the best that we can in this life.