5 mo. anniversary

Well....it has been 5 mos since DDAY.  The day my secret "second life" came crashing down around me.  The day I was plucked out of the fog I had been living in for 7 mos and placed firmly back in the real world, reeling and trying to get my feet back under me.  What have these 5 mos been like?  They have been like an eternity but also like a flash, like no time at all.  I have been through so many stages of recovery.  I feel I have come very far but I still have a long long ways to go.  The fact is that this is not something you just deal with and then move on.  This has changed me.  I am relearning myself.  Trying to figure out how this could have happened.  How did I get so far away from myself to let this happen.  So far away from God.  I can't bring together who I was and who I know I really am with the person I was in the fog.  It just doesn't compute but there it is.  I am dealing.  I think.  I pray.  I cry.  Everyday.
 I have blessings to count.  So many blessings.  
1st that I did not completely lose myself, my marriage, my spirituality, my life as I knew it before it all began.  
2nd, that God ratted me out the way he did.  It was instant, thorough, and the timing was amazing.  If you haven't already read Cole50s 5 mo anniversary journal entry that he made today.  He describes it well.
3rd We have had an excellent support system since DDAY.  A few choice people that we have confided in plus the counseling we did and the books we have read not to mention our priest.  I still see him every week.
4th I have drawn very very close to God after shutting him out for 7 mos.  He is working in me every day.  I love praying again and my spiritual disciplines are better than they have ever been.  
5th I cry every day almost and my spirit is tender and sore.  A blessing?  Yes! Because it means I care.  I am working on myself.  I am not blocking, I am not hiding.  I am facing it and working through it every day.  
6th my emotional bond with OM (the last one with which the bond became very strong as he had become more than a lover but a companion as well) is getting looser and looser.  I am letting go more and more every day.  I have been making big leaps in this area lately and it is shifting my focus.
7th, I have learned so very much from this experience about so many things and I pray that I have gained the knowledge and understanding and tools to NEVER EVER let myself get anywhere near anything like this happening again!
8th My H.  (I have saved the best for last.)  What can I say?  He has been more than amazing.  I love him so much.  HE is my lover and companion.  I have discovered in him a treasure trove and a tower of strength. I did not fully understand what I had with him. Even after 29 yrs. I had been taking him for granted.  I was not loving him as I should have been.  I was not focused on him or meeting his needs.  We had been living side by side but not intertwined.  Not enough anyway.  Now we are.  I am deeply deeply remorseful for what I did to him.....to us.  to me.  I want now to take full advantage of this second chance.  To keep God and H as my focus...my priority.
This is where I am at at 5 mos.  Still hurting...hurting a lot, still sad, but determined, focused, committed for the long haul and ready and willing to do whatever I need to do, whatever it takes. Ready to continue moving forward with my H and with my eyes wide open.