5 days and counting
It's Monday - counting days.....starting spring break 3/27 for 2 weeks. Oh how I'm looking forward to that. I'm tired, so tired. I have been in a "funk" again, sort of a fog just coasting along, wishing my life was different. Sometimes realizing that I have no other children is just too hard to grasp. Sometimes I am so lonely for my daughter, I ache. Sometimes the tears are never far from the surface. Sometimes I am so envious of others and their families......Sometimes I feel like a goldfish in a big ocean....every thing is swimming by and I'm barely able to stay afloat. SOMETIMES......
Sighing, breathing deep as I write this, attempting to get energy in this tired soul, even that is exhausting. Thought I was kind of over this feeling but I guess it's all part of this journey without my daughter. I want to get off, this road - I want to take a detour - I want to feel better......tired, so tired. This is the only place I can share....no-one else gets it....
Monday and I'm counting till I can be @ home, not having to smile, pretend that my life is grand. Vicki
Replies
Vicki, feeling your heart and oh, how I wish with all of mine that none of this were so for you and for all our sisters of the heart. This path we are on is filled with everything and it's the knowing that YOU are not alone, can always land here for understanding that keeps us coming back, doesn't it...
Working in a job as you are where you on "on stage" always requires so much courage, Vicki, so I'm grateful that you have two weeks of vacation coming up. In the meantime, continue to send your "representative" out there to do what she must as you have been and peel back the layers of your aching and healing heart here where it can just BE.
Loving care the tightest of heartfelt (((hugs))) for Jennifer's mom from Douglas and me.
XO Joanie
I so wish I could be there for all of my soths during times like these so that I could do more than pray for them! I would love to give you a big hug so consider this one. This journey is so very difficult with so many roller coaster emotions. It is hard to keep on keeping on, so to speak.
Sending love and hoping your vacation helps and comes soon enough,
Leda
Dear Vicki, I understand just what you mean about your tears being close to the surface. Mine are too. I get jealous of intact families. & sometimes I cry like there is no tomorrow. This journey can wear you out & wear you down. Hope your 2 weeks off is everything that you need it to be. Thinking of you. Love to Jennifer & you from Charlie & me, Donna
I wish I could be there and cry with you. I get it.
I have spent years, putting on a happy face. There are times I just need to retreat and cry it out. It is hard when you lose your daughter and best friend. Roll on time off. Tight hugs, M
Dearest Vicky, I wish I could be there with you, to give you a big hug and just listen while you empty your heavy, broken heart. Yes, it is very exhausting to wear our "happy mask" everyday, while we are surrounded by happy people who have no idea what we are going through. I will think of you this week, and count the days with you. Sometimes all we can do is just get through the next few moments.............
Big hug to you, Vicky! xxx
Tight hugs...
Love you, Linda