5/22/11
Mike, you are a jerk. You try to convince me that I am responsible for everything that has gone wrong, when all of it in fact can be traced back to you.
It's my fault for staying. In April 2009 I thought I didn't love you. There was too much already going wrong in a relationship that had lasted since August 2008. You were already keeping me up until 4 am by guilting me, had been cheating all along and making me feel like it was something I had to put up with...that I was in the wrong for expecting you to NOT cheat. You would put me down and yell at me and call me names back then. I convinced myself that I loved you because of how you would treat me in cycles. I had to have a reason that I'd stayed so long, I though it must have been my fault--but it wasn't. Me staying was my fault; you being you and doing everything you've done to me is YOUR FAULT.
You're a master manipulator.
When I heard you and your horrible other person on the phone and saw the vast difference in how you treated us, I cried. I couldn't believe it. I was so angry at you. I still am so angry at you. You told me that you going to Vegas with him...was MY fault. That you cheating on me then (though you claim it's an "agreed upon dynamic" though I never agreed to that) was my fault...that if I had been there, you wouldn't have gone. You asshole. You really don't care how you treat me, you just want what you want through any means.
A few days ago a friend I've had for some years called me, as he does every 6-8 months or so. It happened to be at 2 am or so, and at the time, I was awake talking to you. Somehow I was able to talk to him for a few minutes and he knew enough to try to get me to promise I'd never talk to you again. Knowing very little, because I am ashamed to talk about you to anyone.
Living there, with you, would mean sacrificing the relationship I have with my family. It would mean sacrificing anything I have left at school. It would mean putting up with you cheating whenever you felt like it (and without protection). It would mean having to have sex with you and not with someone who was wholly interested in me (just me). It would mean giving up on getting married, since you said you would not marry me unless the other person left you--and though you say he would leave if I went there, we both know it's just something he says to control you. And yes you allow him to control you.
You make excuses for him. You make excuses for your "friend" gay guy who called my dad's cell phone and hung up when someone answered, then lied to you and told you I was avoiding you when we had tornadoes here last month and I was out of power for nearly a week, saying I was "playing games".
You gave him that number. That person who has also called me horrible names, and used to pretend to want to be friends with me, get any information they could out of me, then go right back to you and tell everything. Any text conversation was copied and pasted to you. You always blamed me for "not trying" to be friends with these people--these people who backstab every chance they get.
You tell me that I can never find "this" again. You tell me I can never find someone "who loves you like I do". Well, you know what? You can never find someone like me. In a few months I will have a bachelor's and two master's degrees in engineering and applied math. I am very skilled at painting and drawing, I'm very smart, I have a quirky but pretty face (despite what you've said, I am okay), and I'm a NICE PERSON. I have been too nice to you, and mean to myself in putting up with you and your others. I don't know if I can find someone that I'm really happy with, or really trust anyone enough to marry them, but being alone isn't all that bad--I could be by myself and I'm not terrible company either.
I gave you pictures and that kills me. That still kills me because I don't know what you'll do with them. They were things at 24-25 year old who should've known better gave to someone threatening to break up with them if they didn't, and trying to prove that they were worthy of having someone be faithful to them. But it's all the same to you...it doesn't matter what I gave, how long I spent, how much homework I did for you. It doesn't matter what I did. You would say it's because I'm "not there". You try to convince me that I'm not real. You try to convince me that my parents hate me. It kills me that I've wasted so much time on you...thinking about you, trying to figure out what to do to make you stop hating me, being confused when you tell me that you love me (as if you're capable of love), being confused during those times you'd be "nice" to me...
I truly hope you understand what you've done and put me through, but you most likely never will. I hope you miss me. I hope you regret. I hope you can't stop thinking about it. I hope when you sleep you dream about it. I hope you feel unrest in ever aspect of your life for everything you've put me through. I know that your others would say that I put myself through it for not leaving. I hope they leave you. I hope you see how horrible they are. I hope the cycle repeats itself onto you for the rest of your life, and that you never know the life you could've had with the person you blamed and criticized and yelled at and harassed and exploited and tore down in so many ways....because I have a hell of a mess to clean up in my life due to you....
You're wrong about so many things. You think all religious people are stupid. You think Martin Luther King Jr. was "in on" his assassination. You think 9/11 was a government conspiracy. You think aliens built the pyramids. You think Atlantis has something to do with aliens. You think AIDs was created by the government to "get rid of gays". You think the H1N1 virus was created by the government and tested in Mexico. You think women shouldn't hold positions of power. You think women are inferior to men. You think everyone would be better if "everyone belonged to everyone" sexually. You're retarded.
But there's one thing you're right about. I'll be fine without you. I'm still going to be great.
It's my fault for staying. In April 2009 I thought I didn't love you. There was too much already going wrong in a relationship that had lasted since August 2008. You were already keeping me up until 4 am by guilting me, had been cheating all along and making me feel like it was something I had to put up with...that I was in the wrong for expecting you to NOT cheat. You would put me down and yell at me and call me names back then. I convinced myself that I loved you because of how you would treat me in cycles. I had to have a reason that I'd stayed so long, I though it must have been my fault--but it wasn't. Me staying was my fault; you being you and doing everything you've done to me is YOUR FAULT.
You're a master manipulator.
When I heard you and your horrible other person on the phone and saw the vast difference in how you treated us, I cried. I couldn't believe it. I was so angry at you. I still am so angry at you. You told me that you going to Vegas with him...was MY fault. That you cheating on me then (though you claim it's an "agreed upon dynamic" though I never agreed to that) was my fault...that if I had been there, you wouldn't have gone. You asshole. You really don't care how you treat me, you just want what you want through any means.
A few days ago a friend I've had for some years called me, as he does every 6-8 months or so. It happened to be at 2 am or so, and at the time, I was awake talking to you. Somehow I was able to talk to him for a few minutes and he knew enough to try to get me to promise I'd never talk to you again. Knowing very little, because I am ashamed to talk about you to anyone.
Living there, with you, would mean sacrificing the relationship I have with my family. It would mean sacrificing anything I have left at school. It would mean putting up with you cheating whenever you felt like it (and without protection). It would mean having to have sex with you and not with someone who was wholly interested in me (just me). It would mean giving up on getting married, since you said you would not marry me unless the other person left you--and though you say he would leave if I went there, we both know it's just something he says to control you. And yes you allow him to control you.
You make excuses for him. You make excuses for your "friend" gay guy who called my dad's cell phone and hung up when someone answered, then lied to you and told you I was avoiding you when we had tornadoes here last month and I was out of power for nearly a week, saying I was "playing games".
You gave him that number. That person who has also called me horrible names, and used to pretend to want to be friends with me, get any information they could out of me, then go right back to you and tell everything. Any text conversation was copied and pasted to you. You always blamed me for "not trying" to be friends with these people--these people who backstab every chance they get.
You tell me that I can never find "this" again. You tell me I can never find someone "who loves you like I do". Well, you know what? You can never find someone like me. In a few months I will have a bachelor's and two master's degrees in engineering and applied math. I am very skilled at painting and drawing, I'm very smart, I have a quirky but pretty face (despite what you've said, I am okay), and I'm a NICE PERSON. I have been too nice to you, and mean to myself in putting up with you and your others. I don't know if I can find someone that I'm really happy with, or really trust anyone enough to marry them, but being alone isn't all that bad--I could be by myself and I'm not terrible company either.
I gave you pictures and that kills me. That still kills me because I don't know what you'll do with them. They were things at 24-25 year old who should've known better gave to someone threatening to break up with them if they didn't, and trying to prove that they were worthy of having someone be faithful to them. But it's all the same to you...it doesn't matter what I gave, how long I spent, how much homework I did for you. It doesn't matter what I did. You would say it's because I'm "not there". You try to convince me that I'm not real. You try to convince me that my parents hate me. It kills me that I've wasted so much time on you...thinking about you, trying to figure out what to do to make you stop hating me, being confused when you tell me that you love me (as if you're capable of love), being confused during those times you'd be "nice" to me...
I truly hope you understand what you've done and put me through, but you most likely never will. I hope you miss me. I hope you regret. I hope you can't stop thinking about it. I hope when you sleep you dream about it. I hope you feel unrest in ever aspect of your life for everything you've put me through. I know that your others would say that I put myself through it for not leaving. I hope they leave you. I hope you see how horrible they are. I hope the cycle repeats itself onto you for the rest of your life, and that you never know the life you could've had with the person you blamed and criticized and yelled at and harassed and exploited and tore down in so many ways....because I have a hell of a mess to clean up in my life due to you....
You're wrong about so many things. You think all religious people are stupid. You think Martin Luther King Jr. was "in on" his assassination. You think 9/11 was a government conspiracy. You think aliens built the pyramids. You think Atlantis has something to do with aliens. You think AIDs was created by the government to "get rid of gays". You think the H1N1 virus was created by the government and tested in Mexico. You think women shouldn't hold positions of power. You think women are inferior to men. You think everyone would be better if "everyone belonged to everyone" sexually. You're retarded.
But there's one thing you're right about. I'll be fine without you. I'm still going to be great.
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