I can see the stars. At 32,000 feet, I’m reminded of the few times I’ve been at altitude (most recently, in our aborted Mt Whitney attempt) and how the sky is a deeper blue, and everything just a bit more crisp when you’re an extra few miles up. Currently, we’re somewhere over North Dakota on a long flight home from a chaotic 2 days in New York. Going to New York is sensory overload for me – not so much in the sights and sounds, as I’ve been to much crazier places (ever been to Hanoi? Hong Kong? Anywhere in India?) – but more in the many dusty memories that bubble up after 20 years of being gone from home. I grew up about 30 miles north of Manhattan, and I spent every other weekend at my Dad’s apartment on the Upper West Side. As much as I spent 20 years in and near the city, I never really lived there, and I’m pretty much lost and disoriented for most of my brief visits. My Dad still lives in the same building he’s lived in (and I visited) since the early 1970’s, and visiting him reminds me of so much that I’ve forgotten – his never-ending slideshows, the girlfriends (and prom dates!) that I used to sneak up to the roof, and that general feeling of being such a small speck of such a huge metropolis. I remember lying awake late at night on my Dad’s couch (shared with my sister), amazed that it never truly got dark in New York, listening to the hum of traffic and scattered voices 35 floors below. I’d like to think that not much has changed, and than when I visit (usually alone, as I’m on business without family), it’s kinda like it was 20 years ago, just a kid hanging out in the big city. But things have changed – I find myself rushing when there’s nowhere to go, I spot hazards and make mental notes for future visits with children, and I’m constantly thinking of a family that didn’t exist the last time around. I find the city less mysterious than I used to – I’m no longer attracted to lines outside of clubs, or hard-to-find record shops (not that there are any of those left), and I’m left standing outside corner pizza shops gazing longingly as I feel my gut stretching against my belt. Not that New York’s a depressing place. Two things fascinate me about it – the sheer size and scale of it, and the ironic intimacy that it forces on such a large amount of people in such a small place. My wife and I used to argue about which city was more diverse – San Francisco or Los Angeles – but honestly, New York has them both beat. You simply can’t avoid other people, as you’re constantly bumping into them in subway cars, on the street, in tiny restaurants, and so many of them seem to have such fascinating backstories behind them. Not that I actually talked to anyone…but, um, lots of them have accents? Live in NY? Never. It’s just too claustrophobic to me, too lacking in space and trees and places that I need to provide a generous tip to experience. But I look forward to bringing the kids back soon. Meanwhile, things at DS are good, if stressful. Something about human behavior has been puzzling me – namely, I’m surprised that we’ve had a handful of issues where people on DS have become cruel and said horrible things to each other. By and large, I believe that people come to DS for the mutual benefit of support and answers that they can give and receive, but for some, DS has become an outlet for frustrations or problems, and they pick fights and generally offend. I wish there was a technology to remind people that the world does not end at their computer screen – and when you call someone an idiot or say hurtful things, your screen would twist around and you’d see that person face-to-face. So often I see people say things on DS that isn’t them – they’d never act like that in real life – and when confronted they realize what they’ve done, but by then it’s too late. It’s not our job to babysit our communities – our members are above that, and it’s impractical given our size – but I’m going to keep thinking of ways to remind all of us that we’re a community of people, not computers. I can’t tell you how much personal fulfillment I get out of knowing that thousands of people rely on us every day; to me, the ultimate flattery is to become a part of your everyday routine. To have you spend time with us, and to hopefully have you leave your daily dose of DS feeling just a bit better…well, that’s just heaven for me. It’s funny – when I was a kid, heading down to Manhattan on the weekends, one of my favorite things to do was disc-jockey dances and at radio stations…and while I loved the music, I more loved the idea of creating a moment of peace or happiness for others around me. I never wanted to be a musician, but I always wanted to be the guy who brought crowds of people together in a stadium. Maybe that’s why I love working on DS so much. I’m so excited about some new features we’re working on – big, chunky new things that I hope will deepen people’s DS experience and have them come to us not just for emotional support, but for real answers and real tools for life improvement. GOALS, the first step in that direction, comes out in a few weeks, and it couldn’t come soon enough for me. It’s funny that a site that’s so personally fulfilling can also be so draining. I (well, not just me – the whole DS team) work so hard to provide the platform so that our members can talk, and some days I’m just spent and aggravated that we can’t move faster, or that our members are focusing on the bad stuff, or that something I thought would be so cool isn’t being noticed by others, or that some other site is doing something that I so badly want to do. But then I find myself lying awake at night, often til 2 or 3AM, just dreaming of new things I want to do with all of you. I’m happy that more than a year into this, the list of things (big things!) I want to do just gets longer. Anyway, I didn’t mean to turn this into a DS puff piece. I’m not sure how many of you care, but I’m hoping to use my personal journal to be an honest reflection of my life, and these days, DS is a pretty darn big part of that. I’ll be honest about that part – I find it amazing how many companies hide behind walls, as if they don’t trust the people that ultimately sustain their business – and I’ll talk about the good as well as the bad. And of course, I always invite you to just ask if there’s something you’re curious about. Honestly, I’d like this journal to be even more personal, but since it’s kind of impossible for me to be anonymous on DS, it’s also hard to share my most intimate personal details with y’all. I’ve toyed around with the idea of creating a third DS username (in addition to DOUG and DJH) where I can really spill the beans….hmm, maybe I will. ;)