for anyone who reads my posts, you've probably seen lots of mushy stuff about my kids and the trials of a 36-year-old dad.
as i work with folks on the site, however, i've often been reminded about my own dark days battling depression. i think i'm at just about my 13th anniversary of my ultimate low, when i was reduced to panic attacks and unable to accomplish pretty much any daily task without spiraling into a big ol' mess. my parents had worked hard to get me a prominent job at a music label in los angeles, which turned out to be a miserable data entry job that i quit after 5 days. suddenly, i was 23, out of a job, living in my parent's house with few friends and truly felt as if i had nothing and no direction at all. so i kinda lost it...just became paralyzed, full of angst and useless. i don't remember being exactly suicidal, but probably close to it. my parents were very supportive, i went to a shrink, experimented briefly with some anti-depressants (which i didn't like)...and ultimately, for me, things turned around - i got a new job, i eventually met a wonderful woman (now my wife) and just moved on, but it took some time.
i'm fortunately far away from that time now, but i try to still remember it, as it's a part of my personal history. at times, i can laugh at those thoughts and think about how stupid and irrational i was being, but at other times, i can understand why i felt that way and it doesn't see that far away.
as much as it was a terrible time, there's something about those days that i like to remember. some of the most amazing works of art, music and literature come from painful times like those, and it's very tangible and raw. i don't want to go back there, but i don't neccessarily want to forget it either.
as i work with folks on the site, however, i've often been reminded about my own dark days battling depression. i think i'm at just about my 13th anniversary of my ultimate low, when i was reduced to panic attacks and unable to accomplish pretty much any daily task without spiraling into a big ol' mess. my parents had worked hard to get me a prominent job at a music label in los angeles, which turned out to be a miserable data entry job that i quit after 5 days. suddenly, i was 23, out of a job, living in my parent's house with few friends and truly felt as if i had nothing and no direction at all. so i kinda lost it...just became paralyzed, full of angst and useless. i don't remember being exactly suicidal, but probably close to it. my parents were very supportive, i went to a shrink, experimented briefly with some anti-depressants (which i didn't like)...and ultimately, for me, things turned around - i got a new job, i eventually met a wonderful woman (now my wife) and just moved on, but it took some time.
i'm fortunately far away from that time now, but i try to still remember it, as it's a part of my personal history. at times, i can laugh at those thoughts and think about how stupid and irrational i was being, but at other times, i can understand why i felt that way and it doesn't see that far away.
as much as it was a terrible time, there's something about those days that i like to remember. some of the most amazing works of art, music and literature come from painful times like those, and it's very tangible and raw. i don't want to go back there, but i don't neccessarily want to forget it either.
Replies
Well said Doug! It is true that the lows are a part of us, they have helped define who we have become. And I, like you, will not forgot what I have been through. It\'s too important, as a foundation for the person I am today. Thanks for bringing this up and reminding us to remember who we are. Lollie
I would never have guessed that you went through such a tough time. I think a lot of people would find your story very inspirational.
You\'re so brave to share that journal entry with all of us. I agree with Rosanne, knowing who you are today, I would have never guessed that you were that sad and confused person 13 years ago. You are truly an inspiration!
You are brave to have shown this part of your past to us, thank you.
THANKS FOR SHARING SOMETHING SO PERSONAL. I TOO THINK THOSE DARK DAYS HELP DEFINE WHO WE ARE.
HUGS
JUDY