chona (my wife) gave the eloquent recap of tonight's halloween events, so i'll just give a brief addendum to that event...
we walked a few streets over to a popular halloween street, where many of the houses are decorated with lights, inflatable spiders, spider webs and even a fog machine or two. in previous years, we gave kaya a "test drive" by visiting this block at least 2 or 3 times in the days leading up to halloween, to show her (in daylight) that the street wasn't scary and all the ghosts and goblins weren't real. still, when she was 3, she often balked at going into houses on the actual halloween night.
tonight, however, at the wise old age of "four and a half", she became (almost) fully independent. we'd hold hands between houses, and then she'd run off (dressed as Violet Incredible, btw) up the grass, across the walk, and then up to the owners of the house, who were typically sitting on their stoop like drug dealers, except with really big mortgages to pay off.
what struck me the most, however, was that as kaya lugged her 20-pound plastic pumpkin up the slope to fetch another Baby Ruth, was that i was just standing there, on the sidewalk, with friends and family, as my daughter separated from me. in this case, it was the overt physical symbolism of the more significant mental separation, as she becomes an independent person, off to do her own bidding as i watch from an ever-farther distance. and i had to fight the urge to not accompany her, not make sure the big kids didn't elbow her out of the way, and make sure she got her share.
the nice part of this little play was that after she got her candy, she looked around for mommy and daddy, and came running down the hill to hold our hands and move on to the next pusher, err, i mean, house. and so i got my daughter back, holding my hand as i guided her up the street. i know that next year, she probably won't hold my hand, and a couple of years after that, she'll walk a 1/2 block ahead, and then, well, soon after that i'll have to lie and say "they're for my daughter" if i want to get any halloween candy at all.
yes, this is all overly dramatic. but these are the moments that i treasure.
we walked a few streets over to a popular halloween street, where many of the houses are decorated with lights, inflatable spiders, spider webs and even a fog machine or two. in previous years, we gave kaya a "test drive" by visiting this block at least 2 or 3 times in the days leading up to halloween, to show her (in daylight) that the street wasn't scary and all the ghosts and goblins weren't real. still, when she was 3, she often balked at going into houses on the actual halloween night.
tonight, however, at the wise old age of "four and a half", she became (almost) fully independent. we'd hold hands between houses, and then she'd run off (dressed as Violet Incredible, btw) up the grass, across the walk, and then up to the owners of the house, who were typically sitting on their stoop like drug dealers, except with really big mortgages to pay off.
what struck me the most, however, was that as kaya lugged her 20-pound plastic pumpkin up the slope to fetch another Baby Ruth, was that i was just standing there, on the sidewalk, with friends and family, as my daughter separated from me. in this case, it was the overt physical symbolism of the more significant mental separation, as she becomes an independent person, off to do her own bidding as i watch from an ever-farther distance. and i had to fight the urge to not accompany her, not make sure the big kids didn't elbow her out of the way, and make sure she got her share.
the nice part of this little play was that after she got her candy, she looked around for mommy and daddy, and came running down the hill to hold our hands and move on to the next pusher, err, i mean, house. and so i got my daughter back, holding my hand as i guided her up the street. i know that next year, she probably won't hold my hand, and a couple of years after that, she'll walk a 1/2 block ahead, and then, well, soon after that i'll have to lie and say "they're for my daughter" if i want to get any halloween candy at all.
yes, this is all overly dramatic. but these are the moments that i treasure.
Replies
I love that! What a great, funny and charming journal entry! I adore a strong father-daughter relationship. So sweet! Uh... speaking of sweet, time for another piece of my kid\'s candy!
had to take a break from eating my granddaughters candy to say......Thank You so much for a good giggle it made my nite.
awww this was so touching...sad to see them grow up...but they will always need you.
I am hoping for at least 3 more years of hand holding during trick or treating with my 4 year old. Although just last night she told me that she would always cuddle me and have lots of sleep overs even after she moved out. Yes, She did tell me when she grows up that she will stop lying on my belly because then she will be too big. Yes, she is already looking way into the future
SO TRUE..THANKS FOR CARING.
JUDY
From experience, I can tell that it\'s hard to watch these small advances, yet it\'s what we all are supposed to strive for. Imagine when they\'re all grown up, and they don\'t need your advice any more(even tho it\'s so hard to resist giving it). Cherish these beautiful moments - they are priceless.
that was so sweet doug..my son is now 25 and i miss those moments..thanks for sharing
Doug - You\'re an awesome guy! :-)