4am
I got back to the RV last night. Joe was ranting about how bad things sucked as far as not being able to go out to bar for St Pattys day. I was tired and went to bed. He went outside and started drinking and next thing i know hes stumbling in drunk at 4am. He turned the bedroom tv on and kept ranting. I finally got up...told him Id had enough, packed up and left.
Upon reflection of the whole marriage proposal...I felt it wasnt about he and i at all but about the friends and mother he told a month in advance. One day last week he was drunk and told me to choose a lane. The next day he told me he didnt remember saying that. So....I chose a lane. I chose my lane. Not Roomies and not Joes but mine.
This morning i recieved a text saying that i had broken his heart and "killed" him. I thought about rwplying and telling him he was doing a good enough job killing himself with alcohol but...i left it well alone.
Do I feel like a terrible person? Yes.
I had to kill the relationship to save myself. Im a mess.
Replies
Doesn’t sound like an actual relationship though. Maybe if you could try to not look at like full fledged relationship but rather something you wanted to see where it would go, it would be less painful. You must have known somewhere deep down this was never going to go anywhere but south, no?
He sounds like a turd. Truly. Cut your losses and congratulate yourself for seeing sooner than later the dysfunction and not sticking around so you could lose everything, including your money and your dignity. Time to woman up and keep moving forward now.
A running joke in my non-traditional career was about being the only "Chickee Buffer" in the work convoys. The men on those work crews spend allot of homophobic energy over the need to rub thighs with other men during the transport to and from job sites. My fellow crew members would quite literally fight over who got to ride with the "Chickee Buffer." Of course I always got stuck in those uncomfortable middle seats.
Simultaneously, I was feeling my craving for feminine balance in my intensely masculine world. I havenae fared to well in establishing direct bonds with other women. The closest I have come is the bonds which work through the men in our lives. I've lost allot of friends to romantic breakups. The bonds forged across our menfolk have yet to survive direct contact. I find myself wondering if this would be "A Dickie Buffer." Just wondering, but mostly content to let *that* mystery be. Sensible or knot, I still do some pretty weird shit in response to that craving for female friends. Can we keep our three-ways fit for public viewing?
Letting the mystery be now. . . I donae believe the confusion make me (or anybody) terrible people. I view confusion is a mental health condition far more than a character assessment. Illness happens to good people, too.
Continued support while you navigate **your** chosen lane. Way to take charge of your tornado, Pecos Sage. You can do this.
I think ill stick my head in the sand for awhile longer.
awwww Sage, you did the right thing....you handled it well. Choosing Peace instead of arguing was a courageous thing to do.
You are NOT a terrible person. You are a good person with a huge heart!
You are right to stay away from an alcoholic. He is doing it all to himself, and you deserve better, much better!
Hugs, my friend.