Feelings

I feel like I have been spiralling out of control the last 2 days. My self harm is worse and I have been crying a whole lot more. I miss Jess so much I am so lost and lonely. She is not in the office tomorrow so I can survive work ok I think but in am thinking of skipping work on Thursday when she is back an seriously hurting myself. I don't think I will go as far as killing myself but I do feel suicidal I guess my doctors would say it would be a dangerous thing to do as I may get completely overwhelmed and do something stupid. I just hope if I do it works as I couldn't stand waking up. Maybe I will just get drunk burn myself some more and then use the rock with the broken glass glued to it until I either pass out or just give up because of the pain. Best case scenario I hit myself hard enough and die. At least I can hurt myself enough to end up in hospital for a few days and get a break from life.